The Ultimate TV Fanfic
by Miss Fifer
Summary: This is my very long, drawn out, confusing, silly story crossing Buffy, Angel, Charmed, Invisible Man, Roswell, and more when I want to add them ^_^.
1. Chapter One

Created somewhere between the dates of 11/09/99 and 11/11/99!  
  
Setting: Roswell, NM: Crashdown: Max, Isabel, Michael: Talking  
  
Michael: There's people like us there. Things go on there, that everyone knows about, but no one talks about. We'll blend in perfectly.  
Isabel: Oh no. Not another one of your crazy "Let's go to this little town in the middle of nowhere" things.   
Max: Isabel's right. We don't know for sure what it's like there.  
Michael: Well, if you guys don't go, I will. You know I will.  
*Liz appears behind Michael*  
Liz: Go where?  
Michael: Great.  
Max: Michael...  
Isabel: Somewhere.  
Max: A town out in --  
Isabel: -- the middle of nowhere.  
Liz: Can I come?  
Michael: Why not?   
Max: I'm surprised at you, Michael!  
Michael: Well, I look at it this way. No matter what we do, she'll find a way to tag along.  
*Maria appears next to Liz*  
Maria: Where we goin'?   
Liz: I didn't exactly find out the name of the town yet... Michael?  
  
Setting: L.A., CA: Angel's apartment: Angel, Cordelia, Doyle: Talking  
  
Angel: So then I took the sword and cut out his heart. End of story.  
Cordy: Gruesome.  
*Doyle falls to the floor*  
Doyle: Oh Mother of Jesus, Mary...  
Angel: Vision???  
Doyle: Yeah. 5 kids. Jeep. Road. Sign...  
Cordy: What does it say what does it say???  
Doyle: Sun... Sunny... Sunnydale...  
Cordy: *gasp*  
Doyle: Hey, isn't there where you guys are from???  
Angel: Oh no. We can't go.  
Doyle: Why?  
Cordy: Because Buffy is there.  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Cemetery: Buffy and Willow: On Patrol  
  
*Buffy stakes a vamp*  
Buffy: Okay, I think that's enough for today...  
*5 people appear*  
Buffy: Oh GREAT.  
*They step out of the shadows*  
Buffy: FORD?????  
Liz: Who?  
Buffy: I thought -- I thought -- *gasp* are you a vampire???  
Maria: There's no such thing as vampires.  
Michael: There's no such thing as aliens either.  
Maria: Good point.  
Willow: Okay. Officially lost...  
Buffy: Ford....?  
*Buffy looks at Max*  
Max: Me? Max Evans.  
Buffy: Are you sure? You look just like Ford...  
Max: Well... that's probably not my real name...  
Willow: Who are you and why does everyone have to come to Sunnydale? Ok yeah... mystical convergence... so what!!!  
Maria: They're aliens. Not me and Liz. Them.  
Liz, Max, Michael, Isabel: MARIA!!!  
Michael: She's just kidding...  
Liz: No such thing as aliens...  
Buffy: How do you know. There's vampires. I slay vampires. I'm Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. And If you are evil aliens, then I guess I can kill you, too!  
Liz: NOOOO!!! I mean, they're good.  
Willow: Aliens? When you find me please tell me what's going on.  
Buffy: Are you sure you're not Ford?  
Max: Yeah.  
Isabel: So this "Ford"? He looked like Max.  
Buffy: Yeah.  
Isabel: Do you think he could be a relative, Max? Could there have been three of us instead of just you and me? Triplets? How old was he?  
Buffy: About my age.  
Isabel: Gee, thanks that helps.  
Buffy: I guess he would be around 19 now...  
Max: No, we're younger than that.  
Michael: He could have gotten out before us...  
Max: Maybe. Could you tell us more?  
Buffy: Well, if you tell me what you guys want to know and why you want to know it. Oh and with my Watcher would be nice.  
Isabel: Watcher? What is that? Some Californian term for baby-sitter?  
Buffy: You know what -- whoever you are --  
Isabel: Isabel.  
Buffy: -- Isabel, you remind me of someone.  
  
Setting: L.A., CA: Cordelia: Angel's Elevator  
  
*Cordy pushes the down button to go down. The elevator gets there and she gets off. She hears singing in the background*  
Cordy: Hello?  
*Cordy goes into Angel's living room where Angel and Doyle, drunk, are each holding a beer in one hand and a little paper Irish flag in the other. And singing an old Irish folk song.*  
Cordy: Celebrating your common heritage?  
Angel: Join us!  
*They set their drinks down and sit back*  
Cordy: No thanks. I am packed so I came down to tell you, let's go.  
Doyle: Alright, just one last drink...  
*Doyle goes for his beer, but Cordy picks his and Angel's up before he can reach them*  
Cordy: No more.  
Doyle: Yes, Mother.  
Angel: Mommy... tasted like chicken...  
Cordy: You two need a cold shower.  
Doyle: Care to join us?  
Cordy: Alright, we'll pile you in the back and I'll drive.  
*They all go out to the car. Angel and Doyle fall asleep in the back. Song: "Sleep While I Drive"*  
Cordy: Huh. No snoring. Well, Angel can't breathe, but I thought for sure that Doyle would be a snorer.  
  
Setting: San Francisco, CA: Haliwell household: Prue, Piper, Phe, Leo, Kyle  
  
Leo: You have to go.  
Kyle: Why???  
Leo: I don't know. The powers above told me you had to.  
Phe: Powers above? Okaaay...  
Piper: Well then.   
Prue: Get on with it!  
*Leo orbs out with Kyle and returns on his own*  
Leo: Alright...  
*Leo waves his hand and there's a portal mirror thing where they can see Kyle and Buffy and the others*  
Leo: Well...  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Cemetery: Buffy, Willow, the 5 Roswell people, Kyle  
  
*A car comes up behind them and Kyle Valenti steps out*  
Liz: Oh God. Kyle.  
Charmed Kyle: Huh?  
Liz: Not you.  
*Roswell Kyle comes over to them*  
Roswell Kyle: Okay. What's the deal this time?  
Charmed Kyle: Hi, I'm Kyle, the Chosen One.  
*Buffy and Roswell Kyle come over to him*  
Buffy, Roswell Kyle: What?  
Roswell Kyle: I am Kyle!  
Buffy: And I am the Chosen One!  
*Buffy and Roswell Kyle look at each other. Buffy throws Roswell Kyle a stake and they both stake Charmed Kyle. He falls and dies. Then Buffy punches Roswell Kyle.*  
Buffy: I prefer working alone.  
*Leo comes and takes the wrong Kyle, Roswell Kyle, and disappears.*  
  
Setting: San Francisco, CA: Haliwell household: Leo, 3 sisters, Roswell Kyle:  
  
Prue: You got the wrong Kyle!  
*Roswell Kyle wakes up and sees everyone standing around him*  
Roswell Kyle: Oh dear.  
*Roswell Kyle passes out. Leo takes him back and gets the right Kyle, who is dead.*  
Piper: Eww!!!  
Phe: Get him out!  
Leo: Okay.   
*Leo waves his hand over Charmed Kyle, and he disappears.*  
Phe: Cool.  
*Piper and Prue look at her.*  
Phe: Well it was.  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Cemetery: Buffy, Willow, now 6 Roswell peoples  
  
Buffy: I think we should just leave him. Let's go.  
Isabel: We can't all fit in my Jeep...  
Max: I'll walk with Buffy and...  
Liz: Me too. I'm Liz, by the way.  
Willow: Willow. I'll ride so I can show them where Giles lives.  
Michael: Michael.  
Maria: Maria.   
*Buffy points to Kyle*  
Buffy: Kyle?  
Max, Isabel, Liz, Michael, Maria: Kyle.  
Buffy: Now that we've got that covered, let's go.  
*They all head for Giles's.*  
  
Setting: Right outside of Sunnydale, CA: Car: Cordy, Angel, Doyle: Driving/Sleeping  
  
*Doyle and Angel are sleeping in each other's arms. They wake up and see each other.*  
Doyle, Angel: AHHHH!  
*They jolt away from each other and try to play it off. Cordy looks in the rearview mirror at them.*  
Cordy: Nice nap, princesses?  
Doyle: Where are we?  
*Angel looks out the window.*  
Angel: Sunnydale. Sunnydale? SUNNYDALE!  
Doyle: What the hell we doin' there?  
Angel: We have to go back!!!  
Cordy: But you guys said you wanted to come here, and I drove all of this way, and this is what I get. Two grouchy guys with hangovers. You don't know how boring it is just sitting here looking out the window. Look at it this way Angel. You get to see your Beloved Buffy.  
Angel: Oh that's what I'm afraid of...  
  
  



	2. Chapter Two

Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Car: Angel, Cordelia, Doyle: Arguing  
  
Cordy: Why me???  
Angel: Well, since we're here, I guess we could help out...  
Doyle: Where do you think they'd be?  
Cordy: UC Sunnydale, maybe. Well, except for Xander of course. That would be really surprising. I'm sure he still lives at home.  
Angel: Know where his place is?  
Cordy: Yeah...  
Angel: Well then we'll go there.  
Cordy: Or, since it is Saturday night, they could be at the Bronze. Or since this is Sunnydale, they could be at Giles's trying to defeat some big evil. Or on patrol.  
Angel: Okay we'll go to Giles's. He's probably there. Whole "Gentleman of Leisure" thing.  
Cordy: Make up your mind.  
Angel: Giles's.  
Cordy: I'm there.  
*They head for Giles's*  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Streets of Sunnydale, near Giles's: Buffy, Max, Liz: Walking  
  
Buffy: I hope Willow's okay with your friends, the way you guys describe them...  
Liz: I'm sure she's... fine...  
Buffy: So you guys are from Roswell. That's in New Mexico, right?  
Max: Yep.  
Buffy: And you came here to get away from it all?  
Liz: Yep.  
Buffy: So wrong choice... I wish I could get out of here... the job title kind of keeps me down...  
Max: Yeah... I know how it feels being different...  
Buffy: I'm sorry, I can't stop thinking of Ford when I see you.  
Liz: Who is this "Ford" you keep taking about?  
Buffy: Old friend... knew him for a long time when I lived in L.A. Anyway, he came here. Joined some club full of people who were vampire wannabes. He wanted to be a vampire, and I didn't know why. I thought he was just evil... he turned against me... he was going to trade me for eternal life. But in the end, I found out why he wanted to be a vampire. He had an incurable brain tumor, and didn't want to die. I had to lock him down in this cellar with a bunch of vamps, I had no other choice. I think they took care of him... but not how he wanted them to. They just fed...  
Liz: Vampires... freaky...  
Max: Yeah... I thought "hey, yeah, there's aliens," but I never thought about demons and vampires and that kind of thing...  
*They reach Giles's and go in*  
Buffy: Hey, Gi.  
Giles: Oh, Buffy, I'm glad you're here.  
Buffy: What's up???  
Giles: There seems to be, um, well... a very big problem...   
Buffy: And it is?  
Giles: Trouble in -  
*Cordy, Angel, and Doyle BURST in*  
Cordy: Hey guys, what's the deal? We cam allllllll this way 'cuz Doyle had one of his vision thingys, and these guys were not very good traveling companions, so it better be GOOD.  
Giles: Well hello, Cordelia. Angel. Doyle... I presume?  
Doyle: That'll be me.  
Giles: Well... we definitely could use your help. As I was saying, we need to split up. Now that you guys are here, It'll work out better. Some of you need to go to Roswell -  
Cordy: As in NEW MEXICO?  
Giles: Yes, Cordelia, PLEASE let me continue.  
Cordy: The floor's all yours.  
Giles: Thank you. As I was saying. There's an evil demon, Warui, meaning evil, of old Japanese lore. He preyed on towns that had... great supernatural surrounding them. He was said to have caused much death around the world. Seems he has found his next two cities, Sunnydale, and Roswell. He has sent "minions" to these two cites. We must defeat them, then find and destroy him. The "minion" in Sunnydale is named Hifujin, meaning "Fire Lady", the one in Roswell, Sorafujin, meaning "Sky Lady".   
Buffy: Giles, slow down... you're a little TOO into this...  
Max: We've got to go back to Roswell.  
Isabel: Yeah.  
Maria: It's where our families are.  
Liz: And where we grew up...  
Maria: Michael... MICHAEL!  
Michael: Well I don't really care either way, but I guess I'll go back to Roswell...  
*Maria gives Michael a "thank you" smile.*  
Giles: Xander, Willow. Would you two mind going with them?  
Xander: No problem. My old clunker can handle it... got it with money from my - my summer job.  
Buffy: Yeah, he -  
Xander: Buff!  
Buffy: Kidding!  
Giles: Alright, then, Buffy, Angel, Cordelia, Doyle, and I will stay here.  
Liz: Will that be okay? I mean you guys will have less people here...  
Cordy: That's okay. Buffy's the Slayer. Giles's her Watcher. Angel's a vampire. Doyle here's half demon. And I'm... well I'm me.  
Xander: And that's scary enough...  
*Cordelia gives Xander THE LOOK. Watch out V, this one's baaaaaad.*  
Maria: Angel... is a vam-vam-vampire???  
Willow: He's Angel, the Friendly Vampire with a Soul.  
Maria: Oh. Okay.   
Max: We better get going.  
  
Setting: Roswell, NM: Crashdown: Daniel Osbourne:   
  
*Maria comes over to Oz*  
Maria: Anything else?  
*Oz is in the clouds. He sees WILLOW and Xander come down the stairs.*  
Maria: Hell-o?  
*Maria looks in the direction Oz is looking in.*  
Maria: That's Willow. Want me to introduce?  
*At the mentioning of Willow's name, Oz snaps out of it.*  
Oz: How do you know Willow?  
Maria: Uhh... met her out of town.  
Oz: Sunnydale?  
Maria: How do you know?  
Oz: From there.  
Maria: There is some WEIRD stuff in that town, that I just don't get... hey, you're from there. Why not explain?  
Oz: Um, not here.  
Maria: Okay. Here at 10. After-hours. You can give me the scoop. I can tell you what's been up in Sunnydale... over the last few days... a little hectic.  
Oz: Oh really?  
*Liz and Willow start coming over. Oz sees them. Willow doesn't see Oz, but she does see a flash of red hair that reminds her of him*  
Oz: Keep the change...  
*Oz puts down some money and jets.*  
Willow: Who was that?  
Maria: This guy who said he knew-  
*Xander has seen the WHOLE thing, and comes over to stop Maria*  
Xander: Hello, vixens.  
Liz and Maria: WHAT???  
Willow: Just ignore him. Typical Xanderness.  
Xander: Why thank you, Will.  
Willow: Don't mention it.  
Xander: What you gals doin' tonight?  
Maria: Well... uh, see... that guy knows some stuff about... stuff, and I told him to meet me here at 10... and he could be a psychopath murderer, so could you guys come too?  
Xander: The cavalry is here. I've always wanted to say that again...  
  
Setting: Roswell, NM: Crashdown: Night: Oz, Maria, Max, Liz, Isabel:   
Waiting for [tonight - ohoohooohhhh when u would be here... ^_^] Xander and Willow:  
  
*Willow and Xander come in. Willow sees Oz, and looks very sad and surprised at the same time*  
Willow: {meekly} Oz?  
  



	3. Chapter Three

Setting: Where we last left off  
  
Oz: Willow, I-  
*Willow runs out. Oz tries to go after her, but Xander puts a hand out to stop him.*  
Xander: No, I'll go.  
*Xander exits and follows Willow who went into a bathroom. The sign on the door says "Women", but Xander pays that no mind, and goes in anyway.*  
Xander: Will?  
*Willow comes out of a stall.*  
Willow: Women's bathroom. *sniffles*  
Xander: Are you okay? I'm soooooo sorry!  
Willow: For *sniffle* what?  
Xander: For not telling you. That Oz. Was the guy. Who knew stuff.  
Willow: Oh, well that's oka-  
Oz (OS): Willow!!!  
Xander: Hold on...  
*Xander goes out of the bathroom*  
Xander: You know, I thought that you would be the last person to ever intentionally hurt someone. And I thought Willow would be the last person you would.  
Oz: It wasn't intent-  
Xander: No, don't give me that. You knew that it would hurt Willow. And you didn't care.  
Oz: I do care. You don't understand what happened, --  
Xander: You're right, I don't. But what I do understand is that there is a girl in there, that I care about a lot, that is very sad because someone broke her heart. I've done all I can. I'm not the person she wants to talk to. That's you.  
*Xander leaves before Oz can say anything.*  
Oz: Willow?  
*Oz goes in the bathroom.*  
Oz: We need to talk. My place?  
*Willow nods her head "yes".*  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Crypt: Newly re-formed Scooby Gang?: Killing Hifujin:  
  
*Buffy decapitates it. It turns into flames and disappears.*  
Buffy: Cool. I am Da Bomb!  
*Everyone looks at Buffy weird. She just smiles.*  
  
Setting: Roswell, NM: Oz's apartment: Willow and Oz: Talking:  
  
Oz: So I came here.  
Willow: Oh.  
Oz: What happened with you?  
Willow: I mourned, tried a spell to work my will, made Giles blind and Spike and Buffy get engaged, --  
Oz: Hold on. Spike and Buffy???  
Willow: Yeah. And when I snapped them out of it, it was REALLY funny. They started spitting and screaming because when they snapped out of it, they were kissing. But, I wish you were th--  
Oz: I know.  
Willow: And now we have this demon to deal with and I don't know why I'm here and I just don't know what to -  
*Willow is interrupted by Oz kissing her.*  
Oz: Can't help it when you're all panicky... you're so cute when you do that.  
Willow: ... *smiles*  
  
Setting: San Francisco, CA: Halliwell's: Halliwells, Leo: . ...uhhh:  
  
Prue: So, what do we do now?  
Phe: We could always help them.  
Leo: Right... I'll do the portal thing.  
*Leo opens a portal to Sunnydale. They all step in. It's whirly. And swirly. And windy. They all grab each other's hands so they don't get separated. But, Leo gets separated, and a light flashes and the sisters are in Sunnydale, while Leo is in Roswell. Cut to Roswell.*  
Leo: Well, that worked out nice. Oh well. There's a witch here to. I'll "whitelight" for her while I'm here, I guess.  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Crypt: Where we were last time & everything:  
  
*The 3 sisters appear.*  
Phe: {sarcastic} Well, hel-lo. I see that we ran into the welcoming committee. {scared} Please don't kill us!  
Piper: Just put the weapons down and back away...  
Buffy: More people. What's your deal? Demons? Witches? Vampires? Aliens? What?  
Phe: Witches!  
Piper, Prue: PHEOBE!!!!  
Phe: Well, she knows stuff already.  
*Phoebe puts out her hand for Buffy to shake and Buffy shakes it. Phoebe gets a premonition.*  
Prue: Phoebe?  
Piper: Vision?  
Phe: Yeah... Umm... Okay. *looks at Buffy* What are you, some kind of superhero?  
Buffy: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I also kill demons... nice to meet you too.  
Doyle (To Phe): You get visions? I get visions. But you're lucky that yours don't come with head-splitting migraines...  
Phe: Oh really? You Irish?  
Doyle: Why, yes...  
*Doyle and Phoebe go off into their own little world. Cordy is JEALOUS!!!*  
Cordy: Well, uh... what do we do now??? Go kill the other demons?  
Prue: Demons?  
Giles: Long story.  
  
Setting: Roswell, NM: Bench in the park: Xander and Willow: Eating ice cream:   
  
Xander: Got some on your nose.  
*Willow wipes it off.*  
Willow: Thanks for taking me out to cheer me up.   
Xander: You're very welcome... Willow we need to talk. I've realized something... well I don't know how to say this so...  
*Xander kisses Willow. She pulls away at first, but then kisses back, kind of unknowingly. Oz is out for a walk and sees them. He immediately turns around and starts running. Willow pulls away from Xander.*  
Willow: XANDER! Oh my gosh...  
Xander: Did you hear something???  
Willow: Clothes fluke? No... well you look nice and all but... okay breathe in, breathe out.... I have to go!!!  
Xander: Willow, --  
Willow: No, I do, I have to go...  
*Willow walks off*  
  
Setting: Roswell, NM: Oz's: Oz answers the door, and it's Willow:  
  
Willow: We need to talk.  
  
  



	4. Chapter Four

Setting: Where we last left off  
  
*Oz steps back and Willow comes in.*  
Oz: Yes, we do. How... how could you do that??? After everything we've been through...  
Willow: What???  
Oz: No, don't do that. I saw you and Xander. I was coming out to pick you up so we could go do something, but then I came back. And I had time to think.  
Willow: Oz, he kissed me!!!   
Oz: Please, let me finish. I think that this all means something. The first time it happened, we got back together. Then Veruca and everything. We got back together. Now you and Xander again. Don't you see a pattern here? I mean, I used to make fun of Devon because he used to go out with these girls and it would be on again, off again, constantly going back and forth...  
Willow: But we'll get back together again... we will... won't we?  
Oz: We won't this time.  
Willow: {voice cracks} Why???  
Oz: It's a sign. Things keep breaking us apart. Maybe we aren't meant for each other...  
Willow: Oz, don't say that!  
Oz: It keeps happening. It'll happen again. Maybe... maybe you and Xander are meant for each other. I saw you liked him form the beginning. You liked him way before you knew me, before you knew Buffy. You have so much history. And you keep getting together. I can't be with you knowing that it will probably happen again.  
Willow: Oz... I, I understand how you could think this. I know. But I love you. We've shared a lot. More than Xander and I ever had. You were my first.  
Oz: Don't make this any harder for us... I think it would be best if we just find the demon, kill it, and you go back to Sunnydale. And we forget about this, move on with our lives.  
Willow: This isn't happening... not again...   
*Willow starts to cry and runs out. She runs down a street and it starts to rain. Leo then sees her...*  
Leo: Excuse me!  
*Willow stops.*  
Leo: Hi, I'm Leo. Are you a witch?  
Willow: W-what?  
Leo: Yes?  
Willow: Yeah, so?   
Leo: I'm a whitelighter. Sorta "guardian angel" for witches. Got separated from the witches I usually protect, and you're a witch, so I'll help you out.  
Willow: I don't need any help.  
Leo: Well, obviously you do. Are you okay?  
Willow: Yes, now please I have to go.  
Leo: You have to be alone. Have to think about what's going on. Sit by yourself in a cold, dark place and cry yourself to sleep. I know what it's like.  
Willow: ...   
Leo: Go ahead. You need to grieve. That's part of moving on.  
*Willow, quite confused but at the same time awakened by Leo's words, walks away.*  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Giles's: Buffy, Angel, Giles, Cordy, Doyle, Prue, Piper, Phoebe, oh, and, uh, Spike: Talking?:  
  
Spike: You lot make me sick.  
Buffy: Quiet, Spike.  
Spike: No. Make me be quiet. La-la-la-la-la-la-  
*Buffy hits Spike over the head with a vase. I think the vase won.*  
Giles: BUFFY! That was an 18th century classic.  
Prue: No, it was a cheap re-make. You're better off without it.  
Giles: And how would you know?  
Prue: I work for Buckland's Auction House in San Francisco. I also do appraisals.  
Giles: Oh really? I used to work for a Museum in -  
Buffy: Well aren't we all just getting along swell. I want some cheese. Anyone have cheese? Oh, and can I PLEEEEAAASE go kill something REALLY evil?  
Angel: Yeah things are kinda goin' slow. Wanna go to Roswell and not tell anyone?  
Buffy: Okay.  
*Buffy and Angel go to Roswell.*  
  
Setting: Roswell, NM: Xander and Willow's hotel room [no not what you are thinking]: Willow: Sitting in there doing just what Leo said she would do:  
  
*Xander comes in and turns on the lights. He didn't know Willow was there and he sees her.*  
Xander: Ahh! Oh, it's you, Willow. I didn't see you there. Kinda because it's dark. Do you want to be alone?  
Willow: No, not really. {looks really sad}  
*Xander goes over to Willow and puts his arms around her.*  
Xander: Something I said? Come on tell me.  
Willow: Oz... We... we had gotten back together-  
Xander: Huh?  
Willow: We left the Crashdown and talked and got back together, but anyway. He saw us Xander. He was out for a walk. He thinks it's some kind of sign because we keep breaking up and getting back together and breaking up again... and he said that we can't keep doing that. So he ended it. Forever. Said we should move on with our lives...  
Xander: Oh. Well, forget him. He said move on, so move on. You were almost there, almost over him. But then he just had to show up again. You can do this, Willow. I'll help you. Buffy will help you. God knows Buffy has had to move on from things like this, she knows what it's like. Angel and all. You can do it, too.   
Willow: You're right. I was almost over him. But there was this need for closure... I think that tonight, I've found it. I mean, I sat in here wanting to cry, but I just couldn't, you know? I couldn't force tears out, because they just weren't there. I'm still sad, but I think I can do it, too. It'll just take forever. Step by step, a little at a ti-  
*Xander kisses Willow, and I mean, KISSES Willow. ^_^ The kind of kiss like when Max and Liz first kissed, the kind that makes you giddy like a schoolgirl... shall I go on?... okay I guess it's about time for them to stop kissing.*  
Willow: Xander... I... Okay what do I say now? I mean, I love you, Xander. But there's still that grieving thing I have to do...  
Xander: Ok. I can respect that. I'll be there for you when you're ready, and even when you're not. I always will.  
*Buffy and Angel burst in.*  
Buffy: Well, Hello-HEL-LO! Willow!!! What's wrong???  
*Willow pulls away from Xander and Buffy sits next to her. Willow tells Buffy what happened, oh except for the part about Xander and her. Xander gets up and walks over next to Angel.*  
Angel: Xander.  
Xander: Dead Boy. Or "politically correct", Un Dead Boy.  
Angel: *sigh* What did I tell you about calling me that?  
Xander: Oh come on, I haven't for ages. For old times sake. Oh, by the way, why are you guys here?  
Angel: Demon. Bad. Evil. We kill.  
Xander: Oh yeah, I guess we forgot about that thing. You guys killed it already?  
Angel: Yeah, real easy. Poor excuse for a demon...  
  
Setting: Roswell, NM: Crashdown: Max, Liz, Maria, Michael, Isabel, and, presenting for the first time ever in this fanfic, ALEX!: Stuff:  
  
Maria: So they already killed it. And that's very nice of them.  
Alex: So, this is true, huh? Liz, I just thought you were high...  
Liz: Al-ex...  
Isabel: No, Alex, she wasn't. There's so much... so much we don't know.  
Alex: That we'll-you'll find out?  
Isabel: Yep.. someday...  
*And Alex and Isabel travel to Alex-and-Isabel-only Land.*  
Maria: Is anyone else scared of those two?  
Liz: Well I was scared of you and Mich-  
*Maria gives Liz a "don't go there" look, and Liz gets quiet.*  
Max: Well, I guess that they're all going back to Sunnydale now.  
Michael: Good. We have enough going on around here without demons.  
Liz: What about the big boss one?  
Michael: They can handle that themselves. They killed those other demons really easily, why not this one?  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter Five

Setting: In Angel's car, headed for Sunnydale, CA: Buffy, Angel, Xander, Willow: Driving along singing a... oh. Umm... sitting in a car. What do you do when you're in a car?:  
  
*Angel changes the radio station to some classical crap from the 19th century. He starts bobbing his head to the music everyone looks at him funny, and he changes it back to the radio station it was on, which is playing the regular kind of music that's on Buffy.*  
Buffy: Reminiscing?  
Angel: A little.  
Xander: Did you used to listen to that kind of stuff while you tore the throats out of innocent victims?  
*Angel looks a little PO'ed.*  
Willow: Xander, you know how sensitive Angel is about those kind of things.  
Buffy: Yeah, Xander give him a break.  
* Xander starts to hum the Kit Kat Bar jingle. Willow elbows him and he stops. The car goes past the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign, or what's left of it. It still hasn't been fixed since Spike ran into it last time...*  
Xander: Good 'ol Sunnyhell. Home of Boca del Inferno... Aka the Mouth of Hell. We're baaaack...  
Willow: *sigh* Yeah, now we can move on with our usual demon-infested lives...  
*They pull up to Giles's, and go inside. [so descriptive...]*  
Giles: Glad you're back. Everyone is in there chatting, *points to the living room* and Spike is in the back watching TV. Why must he insist on such things, I don't know...   
*Buffy and Angel go back into the bathroom where Spike is singing along with a Disney movie. He promptly changes the channel.*  
Angel: The Little Mermaid, my favorite.  
Buffy: Why are you locked up if your hands are free?  
Spike: How am I bloody supposed to know? And be quiet. I'm trying to watch Passions. Timmy just loves that bloody well...  
Angel: {singing} A part of your world...  
Buffy: Angel?   
*Buffy waves her hand in front of Angel's face and he snaps out of it.*  
Angel: Oh, sorry. Just living for the moment.  
*Back to the living room.*  
Xander: Are they singing back there?  
Willow: So you're witches? Do you know anyone called Leo?  
Piper: Yeah, how do you know him?  
Willow: Well, he was in Roswell and said he got separated from the "witches he usually protects" and he said he'd help me, and I just thought he was some crazy loony.  
Phe: That's our Leo. He's always been crazy.  
*Prue and Piper look at Phe.*  
Phe: Or not.  
*Doyle and Cordy are talking.*  
Doyle: Cordelia, I have something to tell you.  
Cordy: Yes, yes???  
Doyle: I'm supposed to be dead.  
Cordy: Oh, yeaaaaaah...  
Doyle: But I'm not because the writer of this fanfic was writing this before I died and doesn't want me to die [yet-lol] so here I am.  
Cordy: Have you been drinking again? Of course you have, you're Doyle.  
  
Setting: Roswell, NM: Crashdown: The gang: Stuff:  
  
Liz: Did you guys hear? That Oz guy just disappeared after Willow and Xander left. No one knows where he is...  
Maria: Hmm... maybe he was abducted by aliens.  
*Max, Michael, and Isabel give her THE LOOK.*  
Maria: Kidding!  
Isabel: I'm bored. What do we do now?  
Max: Hide from police.  
Maria: Try to find out about you guy's past.  
Liz: Try not to act suspicious.  
Michael: Play naughty party games.  
*Everyone looks at Michael funny. He starts cracking up.*  
Maria: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay...  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Buffy and Willow's dorm: Buffy and Willow:  
  
Willow: What about that last demon?  
Buffy: It's in LA.  
Willow: Are we going to go kill it?  
Buffy: Nah... That's too boring.  
Willow: Are we going too let it eat everyone in LA alive?  
Buffy: We're better off without LA, anyway. Sure.  
Willow: Then Angel will have to stay here...  
Buffy: *sigh* Yeah, I guess so.  
Willow: That'll kinda suck for you guys...   
Buffy: Yeah... hey you wanna go check out something I discovered?  
Willow: Okay.  
*They go out to the place Spike said he came out of in "Something Blue". Buffy lifts up a secret panel from the grass and jumps down. Willow follows. It's a nicely lighted hallway. Buffy has a stake ready in hand. They walk down it and turn a corner. They see Riley.*  
Buffy: Riley?  
*Riley turns around and sees them.*  
Riley: Oh, God. How did you find this place? What are you doing here? And what's with the stake?  
Buffy: The question is, what are you doing here?  
Riley: Answer mine and I might answer yours.  
Buffy: Fair. I found this place because Spike told me where it was. He said he escaped from here. We tied him up-  
Willow: He couldn't bite me!  
Buffy: --Yes Willow. We're here to see what's lurking. Because I kill lurkers. *holds up her stake.* Usually with something like this.  
Riley: Vampires, I'm guessing?  
Willow: Yep. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, at your service.  
Riley: Hold on... You're the Slayer?  
Buffy: Yeah, and? Now you get to answer my question.  
Riley: Follow me.  
*They follow Riley to an elevator, and he does the retina scan and everything.*  
Willow: {in awe} Cool...  
Buffy: {also in awe} Ditto.  
*They elevator stops and the door opens. They step out and follow Riley past the cells, and walk around.*  
Riley: It's called The Initiative. Our purpose it to stop Vampires from killing. We operate on the vampires, putting a chip in them to make it impossible for them to hurt any living creature. Your friend, "Spike", or as we know him here, Hostel 17, is the first one we've succeeded with. You need to take us to him-  
*Prof. Walsh comes up.*  
Walsh: What in the hell do you think you're doing Agent Finn? Bringing civilians down here? This could ruin everything! You know what I have to do... Plan Alpha One was crated just for this case,--  
Riley: They're not ordinary civilians, ma'am. Buffy is the Slayer. And Willow is...  
Willow: Slayerette. Backup. Support.  
Riley: And they know where Hostel 17 is. In fact, they have him in holding.  
Buffy: Yes, Spike and I go way back... He made my life a living hell... His girlfriend killed my friend, another Slayer...  
Willow: I made you guys get enga-  
Buffy: Will!  
Willow: I'm shutting up.  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Gi-gi's: Spikester, Gi-gi, Angel Wangel, Xanman, Anya-the-skank, and Jim: Talkin' man-2-man-2-ex-demon-girl:  
  
Anya: Who the hell is Jim?  
*Jim disappears.*  
Anya: Hey, Xander can we go-  
Angel: As senior authority here, I would like to ask you to refrain from not making your-  
Spike: Shag-happiness.  
Angel: --Thank you, Spike. Anyways, don't make it such a public event. Okay?  
Anya: No, no, no. I am the senior authority. I'm eleven-hundred and twenty-one!  
Angel: We just don't need to know about it.  
Anya: Fine. Xander? Are you coming?  
Xander: No.  
Anya: WHAT?!?  
Angel: HA-HA-HA!!!  
Xander: I know what you've been doing. Taping it for-  
Giles: Leaving!  
*Exit Gi-gi.*  
Spike: Not me.  
Angel: Yeah, this is interesting, go on.  
Xander: --for your pimp or whatever. Mr.Trick.  
Angel: MR.TRICK??? He's dead!!!  
Xander: That's what he wants you to think. Anya, I can't be taped for his pleasure any longer. Oh, plus there's someone else.  
Spike: This is just like Passions!  
Anya: FINE! I'll find someone else. Ang-no whole soul-losing thing. Spike?  
Spike: HA! Fat bloody chance.  
Anya: Uh! Okay, I don't need any of you. Xander, we're through!  
Xander: Duh-uh! To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase...  
Anya: HUMPH!  
*Exit Anya. Enter Gi-gi.*  
Giles: Is it safe?  
Xander: Anywhere is safe without her.  
Spike: But I thought you cared for her. You tried to beat me up and everything.  
Xander: Leading her on. To coin a great Limp Bizkit song-  
Old people [i.e. not Xander] : Who???  
Xander: Limp Bizkit. Anywho, I was in it for the nookie.  
Angel: The what?  
Xander: Okay, I gotta stop hanging out with people over the age of 100 and undead, and umm... whatever Giles is.  
Giles: Thank you ever so much, Xander. And nothing says thanks like-  
Xander: Dollars in the waist-GILES, YOU PERV! No power on this earth...  
Giles: --letting you babysit Spike for a day.  
Xander: Uhh... no seeing your happiness is thanks enough for me.  
*Xander attempts to leave.*  
Giles: Not so fast.  
*Giles pushes Spike along.*  
Giles: Now.  
*Xander and Spike leave. Angel does too. Xander and Spike get in Xander's car.*  
Xander: This is just great.  
Spike: I'm not too thrilled about it either. In fact, at all. But at least I won't have to worry about you and Anya... *shivers* Uch...  
Xander: Yeah, yeah, yeah.  
  
Setting: LA, CA: Different places in the city: Wauri is blowing up stuff:  
  
*Wauri blows up a bunch of buildings. There's total chaos. Fires, floods, overturned cars, trash... all of it. All the demons in town have banded together under him. They rampage through all of the buildings, killing many innocent victims. After LA is completely destroyed, a blinding purple light hits Warui and his followers. And everything else in LA. They disappear. The light does too. All that is left is a giant grassy field. And in the middle stands a girl. She's decked out in a sailor's outfit, in shades of purple. She holds a galive in one hand. In the other, a shimmering purple gem. On her forehead there is the symbol of Saturn. *  
  



	6. Chapter Six

Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Xander's: Willow: Sitting there waiting for Xander:  
  
*Willow is looking through a book of Xander's [OMG! What kind of book would XANDER read???] and she hears the door open. She puts the book down. Xander comes down the stairs.*  
Willow: Xander!  
*Spike comes down the stairs.*  
Willow: Spike?  
Spike: {hint of sarcasm} Willow, how nice to see you. My favorite human. The only one with any sense at all.  
Willow: Umm... thanks? Why are you here?  
Spike: {sarcasm} Nice to know you're glad to see me. {angrily} Giles is making Xander bab-look after me. Probably has that "friend" coming over so they can shag silly.  
Willow: Oh. Well... I need to talk with Xander.  
Spike: Go ahead. I won't interrupt.  
Willow: Okay. Xander, I've been thinking about what happened and what you said... it was good... all of it. And we need to build on that.  
Spike: Okay, I lied. What the hell is going on?  
Xander: Willow and I kissed.  
Spike: Aw, man! I was gonna sire Willow. We were gonna have fun.  
Willow: You wouldn't be able to anyways. And thanks, that was sweet. *smiles*  
Spike: *sigh*...  
Xander: Back off, Spike.  
Spike: Yeah, yeah...  
*Spike goes off to go through Xander's stuff.*  
Xander: So...  
Willow: Oz. He's totally out of the picture. The little... okay well maybe not.  
*Spike lifts up the mattress on Xander's bed. There's magazines in there that he "reads for the articles" if you catch my drift*  
Xander: HEY!  
Willow: Not like I don't know about them already. Xander remember the witch-hunt locker searches?  
Xander: Yep. Amy's never been the same.  
Willow: I think I've come close, though.  
*Spike opens up a cooler he brought with him. He pulls out a bag of blood.*  
Spike: Snack time!  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: By the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign: The girl in the Sailor Suit:  
  
SailorGirl: The time has come for a new revolution. I will find this one they call "The Chosen One." This "slayer." I will find her. I am the messenger from the depths of death! Carrier of the protection of the planet of the ruin, Saturn! The Soldier of silence, Sailor Saturn! In the name of Saturn!  
*An anvil drops on her her head. She lets out a moan as she dies.*  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Angel's Mansion: Outside: Xander and Spike:  
  
*Xander gets out of his car and so does Spike, in a cloak. Daytime, ya know? They go inside.*  
Spike: *sniffle* Oh the memories... Acathla... me wanting to kill Angel.  
Xander: Yeah, me too. {yells} ANGEL!!!  
*Angel comes into the living room, from his bedroom.*  
Angel: What's up? Demons?  
Xander: Spike. Baby-sit him.  
Spike: WHAT? You told me we came over here to tell him about a demon!!! Giles called and everything!  
Xander: You are so gullible.  
Angel: Hold on. Lemme think. No. I might end up killing him.  
Spike: Not if I kill you first.  
Xander: No, Spike, you can't hurt anyone.  
*Spike punches Angel.*  
Spike: Anyone living and breathing and with a heartbeat and reflection.  
Angel: Aw, man you are such a sissy. You hit like a -  
Buffy: A girl?  
*Buffy comes into the room. Buffy and Angel talk and are oblivious to Xander and Spike.*  
Angel: Buffy.  
Buffy: Angel.  
Angel: Something up?  
Buffy: No.  
Angel: Anything you need?  
Buffy: Nothing you can give me.  
Angel: Oh, really.  
*Xander is talking with Spike.*  
Xander: This is kinda scary.  
Spike: Yeah. Laconic.  
*Back to Buffy and Angel.*  
Angel: Good.  
Buffy: Good.  
Angel: Then why are you here?  
Buffy: On patrol. Saw Xander's car outside.  
Angel: It's daytime.  
Buffy: Demons can come out in the sun.  
*Xander and Spike.*  
Spike: Are you guys always like this?  
Xander: Sadly...  
*Buffy and Angel come back into this world.*  
Buffy: Spike-sitting?  
Angel: No.  
Xander: Yes.  
Angel: No.  
Xander: Deaaad-booooy...  
Angel: How many times must we go over this?  
Buffy: Well I guess you don't have to worry about it anymore.  
*Xander's car starts up outside. Spike is in it*  
Xander: Nuh-uh...  
*Xander runs outside.*  
Xander: Uh-huh... Giles is gonna kill me.  
Buffy: Maybe not. If the Initiative gets a hold of him again...  
Angel: The what?  
Buffy: Nothing, I'll tell you guys later. Right now hostel 17 is on the loose.  
Xander: 17 what?  
Buffy: Nevermind that. Riley will have to deal with it.  
Angel: What are you on--  
Xander: --And where can we get some?  
Buffy: Pure adrenaline, guys. Pure adrenaline.  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Angel's Mansion: The front door: Doyle and Cordy:   
  
*Cordy rings the doorbell. Again. And Again. Doyle knocks. FINALLY Angel comes to the door. And opens it.*  
Cordy: About time.  
Angel: What are you guys doing here?  
Doyle: Well we can't go back to L.A., it's non-existent. We have nowhere else to go and--  
Cordy: You have this huge, empty, wonderfully decorated mansion. You won't even know we're here.  
*Cordy and Doyle walk in. Angel shuts the door and they all sit down in the living room.*  
Angel: Oh, no Cordy I've tried living with you before and--  
Cordy: Say no more. I won't be using your bed, and there's no linoleum here. That I know of. I'll be on the whole other side of the place.  
Angel: Okay. Just clean up after yourselves. I've seen your apartments.  
Doyle: Yeah, yeah.  
*There's another knock at the door. Doyle answers it. It's the Haliwells, and he lets them in.*  
Prue: Do you guys know of any good hotels here in Sunnydale?  
Angel: {note that there's NO sarcasm} No need! Why don't you stay here?  
Cordy: Uh! We get the talk and they get to walk. Not fair.  
Doyle: "We get the talk and they get to walk?"  
Cordy: Shut up, Doyle.  
Doyle: Gladly. Hey, Phe.  
Phe: Doyle! You'll be staying here too?  
Doyle: Yep.  
Cordy: NOOOOO FAIR!!!! Okay, Doyle you are dead anyway-  
*Doyle goes poof, and Wesley appears in his place.*  
Cordy: Oh, hey, Wes-Anyways, I am the one with the visions!!!  
Phe: Really? Hey, I like your shoes.  
Cordy: Thanks! I bought them down the street from here at - hey, why don't we go?  
Wesley: Well. I'm terribly lost. Where am I?  
Angel: Sunnydale. My old place.  
Wesley: Oh. Why?  
Angel: Cordy made Doyle go poof.  
Wesley: Hmm, yes. Where can I find the Slayer?  
Angel: Try her dorm at UC Sunnydale.  
Wesley: I figured that. With my powers of seduc-I mean de-duction.  



	7. Chapter Seven

Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Street: Spike:  
  
Spike: I can't believe I bloody can't drive out of this town. Do I have to be invited out? Damn force field. *pulls out a stake* Oh well. Maybe I should just give in and go vamp hunting.  
*A vampire jumps down from the top of a building, un-vamped.*  
Spike: Oh, you're dust- *takes a better look at the vamp* --WILLOW??? Someone got to you first I see.  
VampWillow: *vamps out* I am not that Willow. I'm uh Willowus.  
Spike: Stick with Willow. Or VampWill. *laughs* Either way, I get to stake you!  
VampWill: No, I believe not, dear my you are a cute one.  
Spike: Really?  
VampWill: But of course.  
*VampWill walks down the alley and Spike follows, with his tongue hanging out.*  
VampWill: We'll be best friends. What a good puppy.  
*VampWill walks out to Willow sitting on a park bench with Xander. Spike follows.*  
VampWill: Good to see you, Willow. Looking timid as ever.  
*Willow jumps up and stakes her. Spike snaps out of it.*  
Spike: HEY!!!  
Xander: Ooops, did she kill your new girlfriend?  
Spike: Well, no. It would be too awkward, her looking like Willow and all. No offense, Willow dear.  
Willow: None taken.  
Xander: Hey, where's my car!?!  
Spike: Down the street. Some stupid force field wouldn't allow me to drive out of Sunnydale.  
Willow: And that would be my handy work. You may all thank me later.  
Spike: Spell? I should have known better. Oh well. Let's go hunting! I get to stake the next one though, Willow.  
Willow: Okay. Whatever.  
Xander: Mmm hmm.  
*Spike sits down next to Xander and Willow.*  
Spike: *Humming "My Way".* Hmm mmm hmm hmm. MYYYYYY WAYYY!!!!!!!!!!  
Xander: Ok, who drugged Spike's blood? He's obviously high.  
Willow: Can vampires get high? They can't inhale. *starts cracking up and gets funny looks from Spike and Xander.* Get it? *Ahem* Nevermind. Willow joke.  
Xander: Uh huh.  
Willow: Well, we better head back now, huh Xander?  
Xander: Wha- ok. Yeah.  
Spike: Oh, sure. You need get home. Leave Spike all alone. Leave me here with the rest of the vampires. Sure.  
*Willow and Xander leave while Spike talks to himself.*  
Spike: Yep, all alone.  
Faith: I wouldn't say that.  
Spike: What the?  
Faith: Die vampire!  
*Faith tries to stake Spike, but he moves and kicks her to the ground. He's quite surprised.*  
Spike: What in the name of God's green earth! I can only hurt evil things!   
Faith: Well, hey then I guess you consider me evil. Now consider you dead.  
Spike: Not so fast, missy. I know the Slayer. Why, we're practically best friends.  
Faith: Buffy?  
Spike: Yeah! Buffy!  
Faith: Sorry, that only makes me wanna kill you more.  
Spike: She'll kick your ass.  
Faith: Been there, done that. But now after my little nap, I'm ready for her.  
Spike: You fought the Slayer? Who are you?  
Faith: Let's get this straight. As far as I'm concerned, I am the Slayer. The only Slayer. Faith, the Vampire Slayer.  
Spike: You're Faith? Huh. Really. We have more in common than you know. The only reason you are a Slayer is because my EX girlfriend, whom I dumped, killed the last one before you.  
Faith: Are you Spike?  
Spike: Yes, I am.  
Faith: Cool. You're lucky, I'm not gonna kill you now.  
Spike: Thank you kindly.  
"Agent Finn": Miss, please step away from that man. He is dangerous.  
Faith: What the hell is this? When did the commandos come to town? Boy, you better back up off of me because I'm the Slayer and what I say goes.  
Riley: No, your not. Buffy is. And that's Hostel 17!  
Spike: Don't worry, I'm of no use to you. I'm like a little bunny now. All I can hurt is evil stuff. Keep you pants on.  
Faith: Or if you'd like, you can take them off.  
*Faith steps closer to Riley*  
Riley: I think Buffy's told me about you. Evil Slayer.  
Faith: Yep, that's me.  
Buffy: What is wrong with my world? It used to be so calm. Now here before me I see Spike, Riley, and Faith. Have a nice nap, sleeping beauty?  
*Buffy walks up to Faith.*  
Faith: Yeah. I'm sure you remember our little joust. That put me in a coma for seven months.  
*Faith lifts up her shirt and shows Buffy a big scar across her abdomen.*  
Faith: You did this to me, remember? You almost killed me. But now I'm back and ready. And this time your little boyfriend Angel will die, too.  
Spike: Sorry to interrupt children, but Angel, the little-- *ahem* Buffy seems to have a new boyfriend, which you have met.  
Faith: Who, Commando Boy over here? Well B, you've moved up. He breathes, and *places her hand on Riley's chest* ooh, has a heartbeat! And I'm sure he's not a day over twenty. Not too old for ya.  
*Buffy ends her seething in silence.*  
Buffy: Want me to kill you now, or wait a few seconds?  
Faith: Is that a threat, B?  
Buffy: Have it your way, F.  
Spike: Now hold on here, just one minute.  
Buffy: What do you want?  
Spike: You've fought before, correct?  
Faith: Yeah? And?  
Spike: She kicked you ass, Faith?  
Buffy: Oh, yeah.  
Faith: I believe he asked me Buff. Yeah, but it won't happen again.  
Spike: That's what we all say. And we fight her more. And we lose. And then we come back to Sunnydale for some damn ring that ends up being destroyed anyway, get our asses kicked once more, get operated on to turn into a harmless bunny, and waste away, only unliving to kill evil things. I mean I can't even bite anything good. Oh, Buffy, can I feed on her? Please? I can now! She's evil! You were just gonna kill her anyway! Pleeeeassseeee!  
Buffy: Sure.  
Faith: Yeah, you can bite me anytime.  
Spike: Yeah?  
Faith: Yeah.  
Riley: Is it just me, or are they flirting?  
Buffy: Wouldn't be the first time Spike had a girlfriend without a full deck.  
Riley: She's looney, too?  
Buffy: Mmmmmmm hmm.  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Angel's Mansion: Haliwells: Talking:  
  
Prue: We're here all alone.  
Phe: Heh heh heh...  
Piper: Don't get any ideas.  
Phe: Does Angel have an undie drawer?  
* They all look at each other, then get up and run to Angel's room, giggling. Angel comes in the front door.*  
Angel: Hello?  
*Angel hears giggling and goes towards the sound. He goes in his room and sees the sisters in the act.*  
Prue: Uh, there's a reasonable explanation for all of this.  
Angel: What besides the fact that I'm gay, and there's no other way you'd ever get to see them?  
Piper: Well, there's that.  
Dan (OS): Angel, dear!  
*Dan comes in the room*  
Dan: Oh, crap! I didn't know you guys were here! Piper, I was gonna tell you, but-  
Angel: Everyone, meet my lover, Dan.  
Prue: Oh.  
Phe: My.  
Piper: Goddess.  
*Leo rushes in.*  
Leo: Piper! Now we can be together, since he's gay and all!  
Piper: Ok!  
*Leo and Piper start kissing.*  
Prue: So when did this happen?  
Dan: We met in LA.  
Phe: When were you in LA?  
Angel: *wicked smile* Long story.  
Prue: You do know he's a vampire, Dan?  
Dan: What??? You bastard! You said, "No more secrets!"  
Angel: Now honey, it was for your own protection.  
Dan: Really?  
Angel: Really.  
Dan: I love you, Angel!  
Angel: I love you, Dan!  
*Angel and Dan start kissing. Spike rushes in.*  
Spike: Yo, yo, yo! I mean ha, ha, ha! I told you he was gay! Makes me want to heave. And roll on the floor laughing my ass off at the same time.  
*Spike rushes out.*  
Prue: Ok. Is this some magick spell messing everyone and everything up?  
Phe: I fear there is no magick here. Maybe magic. The magic of true love.  
Prue: Makes me want to heave.  



	8. Chapter Eight

Part Eight  
  
Setting: 'Buffy' (BODY SWITCHED!) and Spike: Laying next to each other in um a bed :  
  
*Spike rolls over but his eyes are still closed*  
Spike: Faith, dear?  
'Buffy': Yeah?  
*Spike opens his eyes*  
Spike: MY DEAR GOD!!! YOU'RE BUFFY!!!  
'Buffy': Not really. I'm Faith. Switched bodies with 'er.  
Spike: Oh, I've gone bloody mad.  
'Buffy': Want me to prove it?  
*Spike lifts an eyebrow*  
Spike: GRRRRRRR!!!  
*Suddenly the door BURSTS open and 'Faith' (really Buffy) BURSTS in*  
'Faith': I WANT MY BODY--- EW!!!!! Omg omg omg nevermind. I don't want it back. I don't know where it's been. Ew ew ew!  
*A light flashes and their bodies are switched. So that makes Buffy in bed (nakie) with Spike. Buffy screams.*  
Spike: Oh, keep your pants on. Wait nevermind.  
*Faith walks out quietly, she's had her fun.*  
Buffy: Ok, where ARE my pants?  
Spike: You don't have any.  
Buffy: WHAT???  
Spike: We-well, Faith and I were drunk. And streaking.  
Buffy: Dear God.  
Spike: Well. Um.  
*Silence*  
Buffy: Yeah.  
*A little more silence, then all of a sudden they jump all over each other and get all grrfull. I think we'll leave them now.*  
  
Setting: Sunnydale, CA: Giles's: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles:  
  
Willow: Where we're you last night? You look like you stayed up all--oooh, Riley, huh???  
Buffy: No. Please. Not now. I can't handle it myself. It's just too scary.  
Xander; Wanna know what's scary??? Angel and Dan are in love.  
Willow, Buffy: WHAT???  
Willow: Where'd you learn this???  
Xander: Phe, the little vixen.  
Buffy: OMG! I was the last woman he was with! I turned him gay!  
Willow: No you didn't, he always was, and what the hell do you have against gay people???  
Buffy: Oh. Ok. I'm ok with it. If you want me to march in the Rainbow Parade and chant "Yeah, Gay rights," I'll be there for ya, but nothing more and nothing less.  
  
Setting: 10 minutes later: It's gonna be Sunnydale from now on unless I say otherwise: Buffy, Angel, Dan, Willow, Tara: Rainbow parade:  
  
Buffy: Yeah, gay rights! Yeah, gay rights!  
Tara: Go, Buffy!  
Buffy: Are you hitting on me?? Don't hit on me. I don't swing that way.  
*Angel, Dan, Tara, and Willow give each other that "straight-people-are-so-naïve" look. Xander appears from nowhere*  
Xander: Wait a sec! WILLOW! You're dating TARA??? But but but... I thought... you and I had something special!-  
Willow: We do!  
Buffy: She's playin' both of you. And thank GOD she's bi and not a lesbian.  
Xander: Huh. Now that I think about it, this could work to my advantage...  
Tara: No. I don't think so.  
Willow: No, Xander, that's just naaaaaasty.  
Xander: In that case, CHOOSE!  
Willow: Uh oh. Oh my. Dear me.  
Xander: Well it's ok if you pick Tara.  
Willow: It is? You've been cheating on me! Bastard!  
Xander: But...  
Willow: LEAVE!  
Xander: Okaaaaay kinda glad I've been cheating on you...  
*Xander leaves*  
Angel: Y'know what. This "gay" scene is just too much for me. I'm dark and brooding. Everyone here is so happy. And gay means happy. And I'm not a happy gay person. Dan, your fired. I mean dumped.  
Dan: DAMN YOU!  
*Dan runs off crying like the wussy-boy he is*  
Angel: That's better.  
Buffy: Well, who are you gonna get your kicks from now?  
Angel: No one but me, my TV/VCR combo, and the XXX tape store down the street. And perhaps a few trashy romance novels.   
Buffy: Well then.  
Angel: I must go now. My tapes are overdue.  
*Angel leaves*  
Buffy: Well the parade's over. Meet you at Giles' for the daily scooby-meeting. Bye.  
*Buffy walks off. We gonna follow Buffy now!*  
  
Setting: The blown up Sunnydale High: Buffy and Riley:  
  
Buffy: I slept with Spike.  
Riley: OMG!  
Buffy: And...  
Riley: What, what!  
Buffy: I kinda...  
Riley: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????  
Buffy: I kinda liked it.  
Riley: I would too. Hmm.  
*Buffy gets a confused look*  
Riley: Oh. I'm in love with Dan. Is that ok?  
Buffy: Yeah. Whatever. Go get 'em.  
Riley: NOT!!! HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!  
Buffy: Oh.  
Riley: You little tramp. *laughs* That was fun to say.  
Buffy: Ok well this is all getting scary. I need to go home and reflect.  
  
Setting: OMG IT'S ROSWELL!!!: Max, Tess, Michael, Isabel: Max's:  
  
Max: {crying} What am I gonna do?? Liz hates me now and I have that stupid destiny thing! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!  
Michael: Hel-lo. You are gonna go out there, fufill your damn destiny, and make some alien babies with Tess! Just, like, LOOK at her man...  
*Isabel gives Micheal a "what about me" look*  
Michael: ...and I'm gonna do the same...  
*Isabel gives Michael a "WHAT????" look*  
Michael: ...with Izzie I mean.  
Max: Well, Tess is kinda sorta a fox. Way more than Liz could ever dream. GRRRRRRR.  
*Everyone is so surprised that Max would even begin to talk like that. Tess and Max get all flirty with each other.*  
Tess: ARGGGG...  
Max: What can I say? If on the other world we were all "in love", then why the hell not.  
Tess: Oh THANK God. I thought you would NEVER come around. All Liz did was give you those puppy-dog-love eyes. I can give you SO much more.  
Max: Meow...  
Tess: Ruff, ruff!  
Isabel: Like, hello! Stop with the animal noises! There are other people in the room, you know.  
*Max and Tess cool it off a little*  
Max: The only problem is those damned evil aliens. Naesado said that the message from Mom would set off a tracking device.  
[WC: Man I hate BSB. They sure are EVIL aliens.]  
Tess: I wouldn't worry. We can kick their asses anyway.  
Michael: I sure hope.  



	9. Chapter Nine

Part 9  
  
Setting: Xander's Basement: Xander and his mystery mistress:  
  
Xander: *sigh* I'm so glad that we don't have to hide it anymore. I love you, Phe.  
Phe: Yeah, I love you too.  
Xander: It's odd. I'm into older chicks a lot. The praying mantis chick. Countless other subsitute teachers. The mummy was waaaay older than me, too. Then Anya. And then there was that dream about Buffy's mom.... but we're not gonna go there.  
Phe: And me.  
Xander: And you.  
*Xander kisses Phe*  
  
Setting: Buffy's dorm: Willow, Buffy:  
  
Buffy: So new dorms.  
Willow: Yeah.  
Buffy: and you're rooming with Tara.  
Willow. Mmm hmm.  
Buffy: Great.  
Willow: Yeah.  
Buffy: And I get a dorm room all to myself.  
Willow: Yep.  
*end of awkward moment scene and on to another actually*  
  
Setting: One of the 12 cemetaries in Sunnydale: Buffy on patrol:  
  
*Buffy gets done kicking some vampire's ass*  
Buffy: I've lost that lovin' feelin' when I dust these critters.  
*Walks around. Rounds a corner and bumps into Spike. Literally.*  
Spike: Watch where you're going you bloody--  
*Spike looks up and sees that it's Buffy. He scratches the back of his head.*  
Spike: Um. Uh. Hi?  
Buffy: That's a good start.  
Spike: Well.  
Buffy: Yeah.  
Spike: This is all a bit odd.  
Buffy: Yes it is. But familiar.  
Spike: Oh dear god. Another relationship forshadowed by god damn bloody ANGEL.  
Buffy: Relationship?  
Spike: I mean--  
Buffy: Relationship. Huh. Yeah. Another one with a vampire. Go figure.  
Spike: You mean?  
*Buffy smiles*  
Spike: Well there is one advantage. I have no soul to lose. I'm bad enough already.  
Buffy: Yeah, you're bad.  
Spike: That's right, babe.  
Buffy: How bad are you?  
Spike: Why don't we go find out?  
Buffy: Later. Meet me at my new dorm in... oh say... an hour?  
Spike: I have to wait that long?  
Buffy: I want it to be special. And I have to go shopping.  
Spike: Shopping? At this hour? Ohhhhhh. *huuuge smile*  
  
Setting: (next day) Giles': The whole gang:  
  
*Buffy is sitting in Spike's lap. Phe in Xander's. Dan in Riley's. (LOL)*  
  
Giles: Willow, did you cast another spell to work your will?  
Willow: Nope. This isn't the work of magic.  
Giles: Have I gone mad?  
Tara: Nope.  
Giles: Am I in hell?  
Angel: You think this is hell? HA! It's not even this good on a good day.  
Buffy: There's good days?  
Angel: Well when you stay there for 100 years-- by the way Buff, did I ever think you for that?  
Buffy: You were evil!  
Angel: Well it wasn't entirely my fault. It takes two to tango.  
Buffy: But I didn't know about the propechy!  
Angel: Well, true. But hey, it's over. You've moved on. Or should I say down.  
Spike: Oh do SHUT UP. Just because I've won this time, doesn't mean you have to go all jealous.  
Angel: Jealous? Of YOU?  
Buffy: Wait a sec... HEEEEYYYYYYYY!  
*Angel revels in his whateverness*  
Riley: Dude, get off me.  
*Dan stands up*  
Giles: Well then I guess it's all time for you to meet Olivia. Dear?  
*Olivia comes out*  
Olivia: I finally get to meet them! Hello, I'm Olivia. I'm Giles' girlfriend. Pleased to meet you.  
Willow: How did you two meet?  
Olivia: At a John Tesh concert.  
Tara: You guys like John TESH???  
Olivia: I think he's the devil incarnate, myself. But Giles is mad about him.  
Spike: *looks at his non-existant watch* Oh dear. I must go. I have an appointm-- *ahem* I must go.  
Buffy: Awwww....  
Riley: Me too.  
Buffy: Awwww....  
Spike & Riley: Bye. *leave*  
*outside*  
Spike: Where you off too?  
Riley: Um. I.. uh... I met a...   
Spike: Girl?  
Riley: Yes.  
Spike: Good, show! Cheating on Buffy! Me too!  
Riley: I'm not with Buffy anymore and WHAT!??  
Spike: Hey you go about your business, I go about mine.  
Riley: Cya, Spike.  
Spike: Yeah.  
  
Setting: *introducing* Glory (hey people I mean it's been months since I wrote in this thing) in her apartment:  
  
Glory: Are they HERE yet?  
Dreg: No, ma'am.  
*outside her door. Riley and Spike walk up from opposite directions.*  
Spike: God, no.  
Riley: Glory.  
Spike: You too?  
Riley: Yes.  
Spike: Oh why, why, why?  
Riley: Damn it. Oh well. There's always Harmony.  
Spike: HARMONY!?!  
Riley: Yeah, she's the old bike cliche. Everyone's had a ride...  
Spike: *idea* Hey... Man, ask her to turn you.  
Riley: No.  
Spike: Come on!  
Riley: No.  
Spike: Why the hell not?  
Riley: Tried the whole bite thing. Just wasn't right.  
Spike: Pleeeassseee??? We could kill together. You're a timid thing but you have promise. I was like you once.  
*Dreg opens the door at hearing noises.*  
Dreg: Glory, oh.... glorious one. They are here.  
Glory: Well don't just stand there. Let them in. Then take a break.  
Dreg: Yes Ma'am!  
*Dreg goes and leaves the door wide open. Spike and Riley enter.*  
Spike: {sing-song} Someone double-booked...  
Glory: So?  
Spike: Well why don't you tell Riley here he should be a vampire.  
Glory: Why?  
Spike: So he can be *the lights go down. a light shines from beneath Spike* EVIIILLL... *the lights return to normal.*  
Riley: Nice touch.  
Spike: Thanks. So, come on with it, Glory.  
Glory: Don't RUSH me!  
Spike: Gotta love those insane girls...  
Glory: SHHHHHH! As I was saying... *Riley and Spike nod thier heads in anticipation* You don't have to be a vampire to be... Evil. 


	10. Chapter Ten

Setting: Xander all of a sudden has an apartment! OMG!: Xander and Phe:  
  
Phe: Dude. This is not right. I have to go.  
Xander: WAHHHHHH!  
  
[Ok this romance thing is confusing I go with what I want at the time and... I'm fickle.]  
  
*Phe leaves. Anya enters.*  
  
Xander: Anya... I'm sorry. So, so sorry.  
Anya: Reaaaaly?  
Xander: Yes.  
Anya: Good! Let's go have sex!  
Xander: OK!  
  
Setting: Glory's: Where we left off.  
  
Riley: You know, this whole scene is just not me.  
Spike: Fine. Be that way. I get Glory allll to myself.  
Riley: Fine. *walks outside. sees Phe*  
  
Riley: Phe! *runs up to her* It's Phe, right?  
Phe: Yeah.  
Riley: I don't know you very well, but can I cry on your shoulder?  
Phe: Only if I can cry on yours.  
Riley: Fair enough.  
  
*10 minutes later, Riley's. They are sitting around having a few drinks.*  
  
Riley: And then Glory was with Spike too! And It's like "Hey man, back off of my women." But noooo he wanted to make me a vampire.  
Phe: Really? I had a sucky night too. No pun intended.  
*They jump on each other, then slowly kiss. Buffy walks in*  
Buffy: Riley, have you seen... *looks* Perhaps not.  
Riley: *still busy w/Phe* Hey, Buff.  
Buffy: Am I interrupting something?  
Phe: Yes.  
Buffy: God this world is a strange one. Seen Spike?  
Riley: Yeah he's at Glory's.  
Buffy: WHAT!!?!? I mean, you know where she is???? And you didn't tell me???  
Riley: I didn't want you to find out I was sleeping with her.  
Buffy: WTF????  
Riley: So is Spike. Well, I'm not anymore.  
Buffy: And again... WTF???  
*Riley and Phe pause for a moment*  
Phe: They don't love you anymore, k?  
Buffy: Ooooooh, shucks. We are all puppets in some big... puppet show.  
WC(os): Yes you are.  
Buffy: Who's there?  
WC(os): Me, WC. Your puppetmaster.  
Buffy: I don't have luck with puppets.  
WC(os): That's ok. Now you will.. *pulls strings* Leave them alone.  
Buffy: Sure. I don't have any will of my own.  
*Buffy leaves*  
Riley: Thanks, WC!  
WC(os): Don't mention it!  
  
[I need to make a web of who's loved who in this fic... dear go it'll be long... Oh I need some ROSWELL. Hey, It IS Monday...]  
  
Setting: Street in front of Crashdown: Liz, Maria:  
  
[Ahhh I long for the days when this fanfic had a plot and storylines... ie. the Xander and Willow saga...]  
  
*Kyle walks up*  
  
Liz: Kyle!  
Maria: Buddha Boy!  
Kyle: People!  
Liz: How are you?  
Kyle: Fine. Hey, Liz.. If you ever wanna.. ya know... without the faking part...  
Maria: Oh, grow up Kyle.  
Liz: Hey, why not?  
Maria: *surprised* WHAT!?!  
  
[And we are once again plunged into my evil, twisted mind]  
  
Kyle: *also surprised* REALLY??? Cool.  
Maria: You've gotta be joking.  
Liz: No joking here.  
Maria: God, we're going to hell.  
Kyle: In a handbasket.  
*Liz and Kyle leave Maria there. Cut to the Crashdown. Maria walks in thru the back, in uniform. She walks up to a table with Brody*  
Maria: Hey. Space Sub without mayo with pepperjack. *sets it down*  
Brody: You treat me so well.  
*Maria sits down*  
Maria: It's what I do. Been abducted lately?  
*Brody gives Maria a "don't kid about it" look*  
Maria: Sorry. Not much with the sarcasm in that department, huh?  
Brody: Not really.  
Maria: Sorry. *pause* What is it like?  
Brody: What?  
Maria: Being abducted.  
Brody: Like you're sleeping. But... very vivid. I could feel everthing.  
Maria: Wierd.  
Brody: Wanna go make out?  
Maria: Huh?  
Brody: Nevermind.  
Maria: Yes.  
Brody: Huh? OHHHH! Yeaaaaaah baby!  
  
Setting: A cemetary: Darien Fawkes, Bobby Hobbes, Claire:  
  
*A vampire comes and tries to attack Fawkes*  
Fawkes: Aw, crap.  
  
[Ok, so they aren't on the WB. I could always change it to "The Ultimate TV Fanfic."]  
  
Fawkes: Lemme quicksilver you.  
Claire: Dairen, you'll overdose.  
*Fawkes kicks the vamp when it attacks*  
Fawkes: What else can I do?  
Hobbes: RUN!  
*Hobbes and Claire run. Fawkes goes invisible. Buffy watches everything from afar. Spike watches everything from even further away.*  
Buffy & Spike: WTF?  
*Buffy & Spike hear each other and meet up*  
Buffy: What are you doing here?  
Spike: Same as you are, patroling.  
Buffy: Did you see that guy?  
Spike: Yeah, we went all... invisible.  
Buffy: Wonder if he's evil.  
Spike: What's wrong with being evil?  
Buffy: Shush. Let's go help him anyway.  
*Buffy walks up behind the vamp and effortlessly stakes it. Fawkes becomes visible*  
Buffy: Neat trick.  
Spike: {Glenda impression} Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?  
Fawkes: Um..  
*Hobbes and Claire come out of hiding*  
Fawkes: I'm not a witch.  
Hobbes: That was a...  
Buffy: Vampire.  
Hobbes: Dear God.  
Buffy: So, dude, how'd you do that?  
Fawkes: The name is Dairen Fawkes and--  
Claire: The rest is top secret.  
Spike: Oh here we go again. Initivite re-run. Top secret government stuff.  
Buffy: *looks closer at Fawkes* Heyyy... didn't I see you on "America's Most Wanted" about a year back? I thought they caught you.  
Fawkes: Hey, cool! I was on AMW! Yeah, they sure as hell caught me. That week changed my life. Got the government gig.  
Buffy: I sure know about life changing weeks. So, does this mean this isn't a natural ability?  
Fawkes: Nah, I'm the government's 3rd grade science fair project.  
Claire: Darien, this is TOP SECRET information. Something you're missing about the "secret" part.  
Buffy: It's ok. I can tell you my secret. I'm Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.  
Spike: And I'm Spike the Vampire! *vamps out*  
Claire & Hobbes: AH!  
Buffy: He's harmless. I guess he's a science fair project, too. Got a chip to prevent him from hurting people.  
*Spike de-vamps and frowns.*  
Fawkes: I got a synthetic gland. It makes this quicksilver stuff that bends--  
Claire: DARIEN!  
Fawkes: Come on now. Won't hurt. They have crazy shit too. Anywho, it bends light and renders me invistable.  
Buffy: Interesting. And what is your business in Sunnydale?  
Fawkes: Lookin' for some guy named... hey Key, what was his name?  
Claire: I--  
Fawkes: Come on, spill it. Not like they care.  
Claire: Riley Finn.  
Buffy: OMG! That's my boy-- ex-boyfriend.  
Hobbes: You know him?  
Buffy: Yeah. Very personally. What do you want with him?  
Spike: Lemme guess, "top secret government stuff?"  
Fawkes: That's right blondie.  
Spike: 'Scuse me?  
Fawkes: I said, 'that's right BLONDIE.'  
Spike: You might want to back off, man.  
Fawkes: Why? You can't touch me. Besides, I have a little advantage. *quicksilvers and punches Spike from behind.*  
Spike: Lil bugger! I said BACK OFF!  
*Fawkes re-appears in front of Spike. Fawkes drops to his knees in agony.*  
Spike: Yeah, advantage.  
*Claire gives him the counteragent.*  
Buffy: What was that?  
Hobbes: Quicksilver overdose, meet counteragent.  
Buffy: Ahhh... *pause* So I know where to find Riley, but you have to tell me what you are going to do to him, first.  
Fawkes: I don't really know. The Official just said to bring him back to the labs.  
Buffy: Labs?  



	11. Chapter Eleven

Setting: The Magic Box: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Tara, Anya, Dawn, Riley, Giles, Spike, Angel, Cordy, Wesley, Prue, Piper, Phe, Fawkes, Claire, Hobbes:  
  
WC(os):There are entirely too many people in this fanfic. I need to get rid of characters I don't need and/or want at this point in time.  
Everyone: AHHH!  
WC(os): Ok lesse...  
*Piper, Prue, Wesley, Cordy, Angel, Willow, Tara, and Dawn all dissapear*  
WC(os): Beware to the rest of you.... you could be next...  
Fawkes: *gasp*  
WC(os): Don't worry honey, it will NOT be you... trust me...  
Fawkes: What...  
Buffy: That's our leader. She pops in every once in awhile.  
  
[Ok, people re-count: Buffy, Xander, Anya, Riley, Giles, Spike, Phe, Fawkes, Claire, Hobbes. That works.]  
  
Fawkes: Interesting...  
Buffy: Oh, this is Riley. *points to Riley*  
Fawkes: Riley, you need to come with us.  
Riley: Um, why?  
Claire: Our boss would like to speak with you.  
Riley: Who's your boss?  
Hobbes: The Official... ah, he's ok for a stiff bureaucrat government agent.  
Riley: Government work, huh? God, they never leave me alone. Well I guess I'll go, seeing as I'll be leaving in the next episode anyway.  
Fawkes: Cool.  
Buffy: Wait. This is not how it works.  
Fawkes: What do you mean?  
Buffy: We're not just gunna hand him over to you. He needs backup in case you try something.  
*The door to the shop opens. A girl, blonde haired and blue eyed (sorry thats how they made her) who looks about 18 or 19 comes in.*  
Giles: Can I help you?  
Girl: Blood.  
Buffy: Vampire.  
Girl: Yeah, problem with it?  
Spike: Hey, there pretty lady...  
Girl: Don't even start. I've been around 5,000 years and I know a newbie when I see one.  
Giles: 5,000... years?  
Girl: One of the first. I'm Sita.  
Spike: I'm a 120, thank you.  
Sita: That's nothing.  
Spike: I guarantee a good time.  
Sita: I do, too.  
Spike: Meow.  
Sita: So am I gunna just have to rip someone's throat out?  
Giles: This is a magic store, not a vampire bar. Try Willy's down the street.  
Riley: Take me. Well, feed. Don't kill me or anything. I'm your one stop bloody mary.  
Sita: Cool. *bites Riley*  
Spike: I like her.  
Buffy: Just take her ans screw her and get it over with.  
Spike: K. Come on Sita.  
*Sita finishes on Riley and her and Spike leave*  
Buffy: Riley, since when--  
Riley: Long story. So come on people, lest go.  
Buffy: You aren't going alone.  
Riley: Buffy, you aren't my protecter. Since when do you care about me?  
Buffy: Riley...{sappy} I always will care for you...  
Riley: Fine. We better head off, then.  
  
Setting: WC's Computer Room: 8:02pm on a Tuesday night:  
  
WC: I WANNA BE IN THE STORY!  
Some Magic Guy: Oh, GOD no.  
WC: I AM! CUZ I AM THE GREAT WC!  
Guy: But this is going to make the whole fanfic completley different!  
WC: That's ok. It works.  
Guy: Fine. Just go all wild. See where it leads.  
WC: I can always disappear and magically make everyone think I was never there if I get stuck in a bind.  
Guy: Ok, be careful for what you wish for....  
WC: I wish I was in the story!  
Guy: Ok. *poof*  
  
Setting: Fish & Game Labs: Riley, Buffy, Fawkes, Claire, Hobbes:  
  
*A shimmering light falls onto the floor. WC comes down, all shiny. The light leaves and WC stands there, just herself.*  
  
WC: The worlds of fiction and reality are forever altered by my presence...  
Fawkes: Oooh... A goddess....  
  
[LOL! Sorry I have to make myself look good. Fiction's great, ne?]  
  
Buffy: What was that supposed to mean?  
WC: That I, your fanfic-er, am now part of the plot. It's out of my hands what happens.  
Riley: You're playing with fire...  
WC: Yeah, fun, huh? So let's get on with it. Oooh wait! *snaps. WC is now about 24/25.* There, I'm all legal and stuff. He-he! Now then, where were we?  
Claire: We were taking Riley to The Official.  
WC: Ah, lets go.  
  
Setting: The Official's office:  
  
Official: So how'd you find him so easily?  
Fawkes: Buffy here led us to him. Did you know that there's VAMPIRES?  
Official: Nothing surprises me these days.  
WC: Bill Gates is really Martha Stewart is really Stallin is really Britney Spears.  
Official: OMG! Eberts, take note of that, cancel my date with Martha!  
Eberts: Yes, sir.  
Official: Now, where were we?  
Eberts: *looks over his notes* You were... talking about how they found Riley, Sir.  
Official: Yeah.  
Riley: *soldier stance. salutes. does lil military half yelling voice* Sir! Why am I here, Sir!  
Official: Well, this one's got discipline. You are here because we need more... help.  
Fawkes: EXCUSE ME!!! *ahem* I mean, don't you think we have ENOUGH help?  
Riley: I don't mean to step on any toes.  
Official: You won't be. Fawkes you're--  
Fawkes: *gulp* fired?  
Official: No. No, no, no. Going to work with Riley.  
Fawkes: Oh. No! I work alone.  
Hobbes: No, you don't.  
Fawkes: Ok I just don't need anymore help.  
Official: Ok then--  
Riley: Hey I'll just tag along and lend a hand where I'm needed. I'll stay in the background. I'm good at taking orders.  
Fawkes: Errr--  
Official: Do you want counteragent or not?  
Fawkes: Fine.  
  
Setting: Fawkes' apartment: WC & Fawkes:  
  
WC: So... is there a hotel near here?  
Fawkes: No need. You can stay here.  
*WC looks around at the sparse apartment*  
WC: I'll crash on the couch.  
Fawkes: Nah, I will.  
WC: I wouldn't want to take your bed...  
Fawkes: If you are really worried we could share it...  
WC: *_* Hehe...  
  
Setting: Fawkes':  
  
*WC wakes up in Fawkes' arms*  
WC: AHHHH!  
*He wakes up*  
Fawkes: What?  
WC: *breathe in breathe out* WTF!?!?  
Fawkes: Ok. Your name is WC. The president is... ok so we don't have one yet. It's the year 2000...  
WC: We're... you're.... did we...  
Fawkes: Nope.  
WC: *relieved* No offense.  
Fawkes: It's ok.  
*WC looks at Fawkes' hair and cracks up*  
Fawkes: *smiles* What?  
WC: Your hair.  
Fawkes: Bed hair, huh?  
WC: Yeah, well, me too.  
*they sit in silence for a sec, then*  
WC & Fawkes: COFFEE! *They jump up and run to the coffee machine*  



	12. Chapter Twelve

Setting: Labs: Buffy, Riley, Claire:  
  
Riley: You guys aren't gunna run a lab test on me, are you?  
Claire: Do we have reason to?  
Riley: NO! Do it to Buffy! She's.... uh...  
Buffy: NO! I don't want lab tests done on me!!!!  
Claire: *laughs* Ok.  
*WC and Fawkes enter, WC is hyped up on coffee*  
WC: Good morning people hi how are you thats great I'm happy Darien gave me   
coffee it was nummy wasn't it, Fawkes?  
Fawkes: Aw, crap. Maybe I shouldn't have done that.  
WC: He was hyper too and started rapp--  
Fawkes: *ahem*  
WC: HEHE!  
Claire: WC, just calm down and sit right here for me, k?  
WC: K!  
*WC sits in the lab chair. Claire injects her with something*  
WC: WTH?  
Claire: Caffiene counteragent.  
*WC calms down*  
Claire: There we go...  
WC: Can we go fight crime now?  
Hobbes: Yeah, some cubans are smuggling in some lizards or something.  
WC: NEAT!  
  
Setting: WC and Fawkes are running from some people with guns in a parking   
  
lot:  
  
Fawkes: Behind here!  
*They run behind a car. Fawkes shoots back at the other people, shoots again, and ducks.*  
WC: This is great!  
Fawkes: It would be a lot greater if we could cuff them.  
WC: Well... we could...oh! You quicksilver and run over there and like dis-arm them then turn thier guns on them and me and Hobbes can slap the   
cuffs on them!  
Fawkes: Aight.  
*Fawkes quicksilvers. He runs out to the two peoples and kicks the guns out of thier hands. He takes them and points them at them (confusing, ne?).*  
Fawkes: Mess with the best...  
WC: Rot in a cell like the rest!  
Hobbes: That was pretty good.  
*Hobbes and WC cuff the dudes.*  
  
Setting: Lab:  
  
*Claire is attending to WC and Fawkes' cuts and scrapes*  
WC: OWWWW!!!  
Fawkes: OW!  
Claire: It's just gunna sting for a second, you big babies.  
WC: I'm not a baby...  
Fawkes: Hey, Bay-bay!  
WC: Uh!  
*Riley and Buffy are off to themselves*  
Riley: Everything's so crazy lately...  
Buffy: When is it not?  
Riley: True. But...   
Buffy: I know what you mean.  
Riley: Buffy, I--  
Buffy: I know.  
Riley: You just know everything, huh?  
Buffy: I know that we care for each other and that's never gunna change.  
Riley: Precisely.  
Buffy: I didn't want you to go by yourself because.. I didn't want to see you go. I didn't want another guy leaving me.  
Riley: We'll you will just have to get over it.  
Buffy: HUH!?!  
Riley: Well, you see... *zzt zzt*  
*Smoke starts to come out of Riley's ears.*  
Buffy: OMFG!  
Riley: I'm a ro-ro-- *zzt*  
*Riley shorts out and falls to the ground.*  
Buffy: OMG YOU ARE A ROBOT! OMG I *BEEPED* A ROBOT! OMFG!  
Spike(os): Some people like that sorta thing.  
WC: Can someone take that thing outta here?  
*Eberts comes in and drags the body out. WC jumps into Fawkes's arms.*  
Fawkes: Um.  
WC: Take me away!  
Fawkes: Um. OK.  
WC: Now kiss me, damn it!  
Fawkes: You're the boss.  
*Fawkes kisses WC. WC giggles.*  
  
Setting: Roswell: Crashdown: The Gang:  
  
WC(os): Ok, Alex is ded...  
*Alex disappears*  
WC(os): And the aliens are eventually gunna go home I guess...  
*The aliens disappear*  
Liz: WTF!??!  
WC(os): Hmm.... what else... I know there was SOMETHING else...  
Maria: Oh... my... god.  
WC(os): OH YEAH! The show is CANCELED!  
*WC snappies and the screen goes blank. Aww, they all went to Cancledland. Sniffle, sniffle.*  
  
Setting: Lab:  
  
WC: There. Wait, Buffy's on UPN now. What are we gunna do?  
Fawkes: I'm on the Sci-fi Channel. And ABC.  
WC: Tru, tru. Screw it all to hell this is my world I can do WHATEVER I WANT! MUAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
Fawkes: I thought you said it was outta your hands.  
WC: I lied.  
Dairen: *shrugs* Ok.  
  
[Ok it's WC again... this thing hasn't been added to since FOREVER I mean it's 2001 now... May 17, 2001!!! YAY! So I am going to now screw everything up and make a list of who is currently in the WC-TV-Ficverse: WC, Buffy, Spike, Angel, Wesley, Gunn, Cordy, Host, Fawkes, Hobbes, Claire, Eberts, Official. Goodies. And now I'm gunna make people go places. Hmmm... But I want the Labs and NOW "Heath & Human Services" Department feel, but also room for demon-age. Ok everyone's in San Deigo. Heh. Damn, I just guess hat California is dripping with evil, evil creatures.]  
  
Setting: The newly opened, much larger Health & Human Services Department:   
  
The new Lounge, complete with a stage, karaoke machine (Lorne ^_^), and TVs on which the Official can speak to everyone:  
  
*The TVs come on.*  
Official: We have another-- damn there's a lotta people here.  
*The screen goes fuzzy. Flash to the Offical's office.*  
Official: Eberts, fix the camera I'm fuzzy.  
*Flash to Lounge. Hobbes and Fawkes talk while the Official is distracted.*  
Hobbes: I guess they are right about the camera adding 10 pounds.  
*Fawkes laughs and they high-five.*  
Fawkes: Yeah Fat Man looks like a--  
Official: Fawkes.  
Fawkes: *ahem* Yes?  
Official: More work.  
Fawkes: *fake smile and enthusiasm* Greeeatt! *thumbs up* Can't wait! Don't tell me someone's been ripping off the sperm bank again cuz that was...  
Cordy: Ew.  
Fawkes: My sentiments exactly.  
Official: Oh, well, I'm sure you will enjoy this one just as much.  
Hobbes: Oh great.  
Official: There is a problem at one of the local food chains.  
Angel: Oh, don't tell me it's Burger King! I love Burger King!  
Official: Nope, it's Wendy's.  
Lorne: Damn!  
Official: *ahem* There is a secret orginization whose base is located there. They are responsible for...  
Fawkes: For....?  
Official: We don't know yet, but it must be very very very bad.  
Hobbes: That helps.  
Official: Well, you must find out, and stop it.  
*Lorne looks kinda guilty but turns to hide his face.*  
Wesley: Does this involve any demons?  
Official: Excuse me?  
Wesley: I'm good with demons.  
Official: *laughs* There's no such thing as a--  
*The Angel vamps and he and Lorne stand in front of the camera. The Offical shrieks like a little girl.*  
Official: *regains composure* Ok, maybe there is.  
Angel: Perhaps you should look up any kind of demon that has a fondness for overpriced-undercooked grease products.  
Wesley: I'll be right on it. I'll be in my office.  
*Wesley goes back into his *new* office. Hobbes and Fawkes look at each other.*  
Fawkes: Does everyone but me and Hobbes get a office?  
Everyone but Fawkes and Hobbes: Yes.  
Hobbes: That is not nice, my friend.  
Fawkes: That's low. I mean I'm like, the brains of the out-- ok maybe not. But I AM the outfit.  
WC: I like your outfit. *giggle*  
*Fawkes smiles. Spike doesn't. WC tuggs at Fawkes' arm.*  
WC: Come on, lest go.  
Hobbes: I'm in.  
Gunn: I'll come. There's nothing for me to do here, and if I go maybe I can hit someone.  
Spike: Aw, I wanna hit someone. But they're probably human.  
Buffy: Spike, you can stay here and if we find some demons you can hit one, ok?  
*Spike looks at Buffy, surprised.*  
Buffy: What?  
Lorne: {lil nervous} Well, while you guys are out, I'm going to sing a lil.. song to entertain the others... I'll just... go..  
*Lorne goes to the stage and trips over the cord to the mic. He regains his equillibrium (damn thats hard to spell) and pushes "play" on the karaoke machine. WC and the others wave goodbye as they leave.*  
  
Setting: Hobbesmobile: WC and Fawkes and Hobbes and Gunn:  
  
*Fawkes puts on some suglasses and a voiceover comes on.*  
Fawkes(vo): A wise man named Robert Lowell once said, "If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, It's the light of the oncoming train." I figured this was my train.  
WC: Um, Darien?  
Fawkes: Huh?  
WC: What was that all about?  
Fawkes: What?  
WC: The train thing?  
Fawkes: Oh. Sometimes I like to throw out quotes that kinda sorta have something to do with the plot.  
WC: Oh.  
Hobbes: You get used to it after a while.  
Gunn: That's kinda cool. I need something like that. A trademark.  
Hobbes: Do you rap?  
Gunn: {offended but hiding it} Noooo.  
Hobbes: *shrug* I dunno then. Me, I have that air of cooool as my trademark.  
*Darien busts out laughing.*  
Fawkes: Yeah, Hobbes you are one cool son of a monkey.  
Hobbes: Um.  
*They pull into the Wendy's parking lot.*  
Hobbes: Anyways, we're here.  
WC: Yay! I'm thirsty I wanna rootbeer. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Setting: Inside Wendy's:  
  
*WC sips the rest of her rootbeer. Everyone is sitting around a table with fries and drinks and looking around for suspicious people.*  
Fawkes: Damn, I gotta pee.  
WC: Don't be long.  
Fawkes: Um. Ok.  
*Fawkes runs to the bathroom. A few minutes later they hear him yell.*  
Fawkes: WTF!?!  
*WC runs to the bathroom.*  
WC: It it broke-- oh.  
*There are two guys and one is handing the other a bag of crack.*  
WC: Urgh. It that all this is? A drug ring? Damn.  
*Hobbes and Gunn run in.*  
Gunn: Men's restroom. You. Not a man.  
WC: But he has crack. And I must stop him.  
Gunn: Ok. Well I'm gunna go back out there, you don't need me. I'll think of a cool catch phrase.  
Hobbes: How about 'I pity da foo?'  
*Gunn rolls his eyes and starts to leave.*  
Hobbes: You're right, it's been done. Anywho. DRUGS ARE BAD!  
Druggie #1: Oops.  
Druggie #2: Damn.  
Fawkes: I'm afraid we're takin' you in.  
Druggie #1: {prounciates all his words} Oh...no, we've.. been.. caught.  
Druggie #2: {""} That's... bootie.  
*Hobbes and Fawkes slap cuffs on them.*  
Hobbes: We are the bomb.  
Fawkes: That we are.  
*They take them out. After everyone is gone, two guys come out of a stall and are half-nakie.*  
Guy #1: They're gone, it worked.  
Guy #2: Did you pay the druggies off?  
Guy #1: Yeah, $1,000 and a coupon for a free happy meal.  
Guy #2: That was close. What was in the bag?  
Guy #1: Koolaide. But they'll never think to check.  
Guy #2: Now about that happy meal...  
  
Setting: The Lounge:  
  
Lorne: {sings} Oh no not I, I will survive...  
*The others have their heads in their hands, bored and annoyed.*  
Claire: That can't be the only song he knows.  
Angel: It's not. But I don't think you wanna hear his version of "Lady Marmalade."  
*The others come in.*  
Fawkes: Hey Fat Man, we're hooommeeee!  
*The TV's turn on and the Official pops up. He's got something brown on his chin.*  
Official: Good work.  
Hobbes: Offical, you've got a lil... *points to his chin*  
Official: Oh. *wipes it off* Love that Wendy's chilli. Anyways, you did good work in stopping that drug ring.  
*Lorne sighs in relief.*  
Lorne: Well, I'm hungry... I'm going to... go...  
*Lorne sneaks out and goes to Wendy's*  
Hobbes: Do we get any kind of special pay for nabbing those--  
Official: NO.  
Hobbes: Damn. Doesn't hurt to try though.  
Fawkes: Good try, man.  
Hobbes: I know, but the Fat Man just won't budge.  
Fawkes: I know what you mean. There's gotta be a way to get through to him though. He's gotta have a weakness.  
Hobbes: A weakness.  
Fawkes: They always have a weakness.  
Hobbes: That they do my friend, and it is our job to find it.  
Fawkes: We must find the weakness.  
Hobbes: Yes, we must. The weakness will be fou--  
Official: STOP! My god, you guys get started and...  
Fawkes: We know.  
Hobbes: We're just good at bouncing off ideas to each other.  
Fawkes: Yeah, we're partners.  
Hobbes: Partners in crime, my friend.  
*They high-five.*  
Official: BOYS!  
Hobbes & Fawkes: Boys?!?  
Hobbes: I'll tell you, my friend. I am no boy. I am 100 percent ma--  
Fawkes: Ok I think we're done now.  
Hobbes: Yes we're done.  
Fawkes: Done.  
*The Official rolls his eyes.*  
Official: O-man out, yo!  
*The TV turns off.*  
Fawkes: *smiles* We were pretty good.  
Hobbes: Yeah we were.  
Fawkes: I think we got to him.  
Hobbes: I think we did.  
WC: DARIEN!!!  
Fawkes: Yes, dear?  
WC: Please.  
Fawkes: Ok, we're just joking around.  
Hobbes: Joking.  
WC: UUURRRGHHH! *stomps outta tha room.*  
Fawkes: I think I made her mad.  
Hobbes: No I think--*ahem* Ok.  
*Fawkes goes after her. Hobbes laughs to himself, then goes to sit next to Claire.*  
Hobbes: Hey there, hot stuff.  
Claire: EXCUSE me?  
Hobbes: Eeep. I'm sorry, it slipped.  
Claire: Mmmhmm.  
Hobbes: Remember when I died?  
Claire: When you..? Oh! Yes.  
Hobbes: That speech you made?  
Claire: {a lil uncomfortable} Yes?  
Hobbes: Then I asked you if...  
Claire: Yes.  
Hobbes: You we're lying, huh?  
Claire: Ye-- um. I...  
Hobbes: I am something, ain't I?  
*Hobbes laughs to himself and puts his hands behind his head. He leans back. The chair falls over. Claire giggles.*  
Claire: Yes, you are something.  
*Hobbes stands up and brushes himself off. He tries to play it off.*  
Hobbes: You know you want me, baby.  
Claire: {sarcasm run-a-muk} (don't ask) Oh yeah bbaaaabbaay I wannnnnt you soooooooooo bad.  
*Hobbes sorta-blushes. Claire sees this and laughs. He gives her a hurt look.*  
Claire: I'm sorry. *looks away*  
*Fawkes and WC come back in, laughing.*  
Hobbes: Is everything ok now?  
*WC hugs Fawkes' arm*  
WC: Oh it's wooonndderrrfuulll... *looks up at him*  
*Fawkes looks at Hobbes to Claire and back to Hobbes. He raises an eyebrow.*  
Fawkes: We *points from Claire to Hobbes* interuppting...  
Claire: No. *stands up* I was just about to go... run some... tests.  
*Claire quickly leaves.*  
Fawkes: O...k...  
*Fawkes and WC sit down.*  
Fawkes: Bobby, just tell her.  
Hobbes: *not good at playing things off* Tell her what.  
Fawkes: Come on, I'm your partner. No one knows you better than me.  
Hobbes: I do not know what you are talking about.  
Fawkes: Uh huh.  
Hobbes: I don't.  
Fawkes: No you don't, Hobbes.  
Hobbes: I have not a clue.  
Fawkes: You never have a clue.  
Hobbes: Let me tell you, I have clues. A lot of clues. Just not right now.  
Fawkes: Now and every other now.  
Hobbes: That made no sense.  
Fawkes: Yes it did. It was full of sense.  
Hobbes: Yeah full of something.  
Fawkes: That was not nice.  
Hobbes: We sometimes you can't be nice, my friend.  
Fawkes: Yes, sometimes you must be mean.  
Hobbes: There are certain times where it is good to be mean.  
Fawkes: Because you have t--  
WC: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!  
Fawkes & Hobbes: What?  
WC: You're doing it AGAIN!  
Fawkes: We're sorry.  
Hobbes: So sorry.  
WC: Aw. Well. It's ok. It's actually kinda cute. *smiles*  
Fawkes: Would you like is to continue?  
WC: _No_.  
Fawkes: *shrugs* Ok.  
*Lorne runs back in.*  
Lorne: OMG! HEEELPPPP!  
*Wesley runs back in, enthusuastic*  
Wesley: A demon!?!?  
Lorne: No. Just Dave Thomas. Which, now that I think about it... URGH!  
WC: WHAT is it?  
Lorne: They are shutting down the Wendy's on 35th and Main!!!  
WC: SO?  
Lorne: They have only the finest.... chilli!  
WC: But there are plenty of other Wendy's.  
Lorne: But their... chilli... is not as... spicy.  
Angel: Lorne.  
Lorne: Yes?  
Angel: We know your secret.  
WC & Lorne: What secret?  
*Angel jumps off the desk he was sitting on and stands in front of everyone.*  
Angel: Well, when you busted the drug ring... that wasn't the organization you were supposed to bust. That was a cover.  
Fawkes: Then what was it?  
Angel: *Goes on to explain what REALLY happens at Wendy's*  
Fawkes: OM...  
Hobbes: FG...  
WC: That's sooo... gay.  
Lorne: You have a PROB with it?  
WC: *scared* No!  
Lorne: PLEASE! Don't shut it down! It's not hurting anyone!  
Angel: Ok well, I won't tell if...  
Lorne: If what?  
Angel: You never do karaoke of "Lady Marmalade" or "I Will Survive" ever again. At least while there are other people in the room.  
Lorne: Aw...  
Angel: Oh Offi--  
Lorne: OK! OK!  
Angel: Good.  
*Angel goes back to sit on the desk.*  
WC: Angel, how did you know about...  
Angel: I was gay once, remember?  
WC: Ohhhh yeeeaaaaaahhh.  
*crickets*  
WC: OH! Where's Spike and Buffy? They've been gone for awhile. *thinks* NOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SPPPIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
*Spike comes running in with bedsheets tied around his waist*  
Spike: WHAT!?!?!  
*WC goes up to Spike and slaps him*  
Spike: OW! What the bloody hell was that for???  
WC: How DARE YOU!  
Spike: Well damn you were all busy with Invisible Boy.  
WC: URGH!  
Magic Guy(os): I told you this would happen! You want Spike but you want Spike and Buffy to be together! Sorta!  
WC: SHUT UP MAGIC DUDE!   
Magic Guy(os): Eep. *leaves*  
WC: But Spikey...  
Spike: Please, don't call me that.  
WC: *grins* Spppiiikkeeeeeyyyyyy...  
Spike: *covers his ears* NOOO!  
*The sheets fall*  
Fawkes: NOOO!  
*Fawkes and Hobbes and Angel turn around. Lorne looks and tilts his head*  
Lorne: Damn. Now I know why you want hi--  
Spike & WC: Shut up, Lorne.  
*Spike picks the sheets back up. WC's eyes tear up. She sits on the floor.*  
WC: I hate my life.  
*Fawkes sits next to her and puts his arms around her.*  
Fawkes: You don't need him. You have me. Would you feel better if I took my shirt off?  
*WC nods yes. Spike rolls his eyes and goes away. Fawkes starts to take off his jacket but WC stops him.*  
WC: Not now, dear.  
*Darien hugs her. Claire runs in. Silence.*  
Hobbes: Yes, Claire, something to say?  
Claire: Um. No. Not really.  
Hobbes: Then what was it with the.. running...?  
*She quietly walks to Hobbes. Then she KISSES him! YAAAAAAYYYYY!*  
Claire: Nothing.  



	14. Chapter Fourteen

Setting: Hobbesmobile: Fawkes and Hobbes and WC:  
  
*WC is sitting in the back looking at all the high-tech equipment.*  
Hobbes: I just had to get outta there.  
Fawkes: I understand, man.  
Hobbes: I know you do.  
Fawkes: That was pretty...  
Hobbes: *gets googly* Awesome.  
Fawkes: I was gunna go with gutsy.  
*WC pushes a button on a box and a syringe flies out and hits the other wall of the van.*  
WC: Ooops.  
Fawkes: Careful, dear.  
WC: *sniffle* I sorry.  
Fawkes: It's ok. I think there's a WORKING computer back there.  
WC: OMFG! No way! There's no such thing as a fully-functional WORKING computer!  
Fawkes: Yes, there is!  
WC: OMG! And how was it discovered?  
Fawkes: We work for the government. We get all kindsa sweet crap.  
Hobbes: *giggles* Sweet crap.  
*WC finds the computer and bows down to it.*  
WC: Ahhhmmmm... Ahmmmm... Ahmmm...  
Hobbes: Soo...  
Fawkes: And why was it you had to get outta there?  
Hobbes: Because. It was all. Scary.  
Fawkes: Yeah, kinda. Kinda not like Keeply to do that.  
*All of a sudden bullets fly out at them. The van swirves.*  
Hobbes & Fawkes & WC: Aw crap. *pause* *they all laugh*  
*Hobbes stops the car and they run behind it. Darien looks down at his tattoo. Two to go, but he has to risk it. He goes all silvery and sneaks around the car. He sees a gun floating and Arnaud. Cuz he can see him when he's invisible ^_^*  
Fawkes: Arnaud. That bastard. URGH! I hate him.  
Arnaud: Why? Because my hair is cooler than yours? Or is it the sexy accent?  
Fawkes: Shut up.  
*Fawkes lunges at Arnaud and knocks the gun outta his hands. He punches him. Arnaud rolls and pins Fawkes. He picks up the gun and points it down at him. He then gets up, and spins quickly and aims at WC.*  
Fawkes: Nuh uh.  
*He aims back and forth between all of them.*  
Arnaud: Eeenie... *points to Fawkes* Meenie... *points to Hobbes* Miney... *points to WC. swings it in a circle and points it back to WC.* Moe. *fires. it hits WC in her shoulder*  
WC: Uh UH! Darien, kick his pansy ASS!  
*WC slumps to the ground. Hobbes rips of part of his shirt and tries to bandage WC's shoulder. Arnaud points the gun at Fawkes and Fawkes stares at him, very angry. His eyes appear, and they are red.*  
Arnaud: Oh, shit.  
Fawkes: *crazy voice* That's right.  
*Fawkes swings his arm and knocks the gun outta Arnaud's hands. He quickly ducks and rolls as Arnaud swings at him, and picks up the gun. He stands back up, and points it at Arnaud*  
Fawkes: Bye, bye.  
*He shoots, he scores. Arnaud falls to the ground. WC gets up and goes to Fawkes. He turns visible she looks at his tattoo. All red.*  
WC: He's Quicksilver Mad.  
Hobbes: We have to get him to-- urgh. I don't want to see her again.  
Fawkes: *puts on his shades* Then why go see her? I'm fiiine.  
Hobbes: Because if you stay mad long enough, it can't be reversed and we dunno what could happen.  
Fawkes: *shrugs* Eh.  
WC: Well, let's wait awhile.  
Hobbes: WHAT!?  
*WC looks at Hobbes, meaningfully. He gets it.*  
WC: *giggles* Come on, lets get in the van.  
*They climb into the van, Hobbes driving and Fawkes & WC sitting in the back.*  
WC: Did I ever mention that insanity turns me OONNN...?  
Fawkes: Meow.  
*Fawkes kisses her. Hobbes rolls his eyes*  
Hobbes: Oh god.  
*They drive and drive and reach the Department. WC drags Fawkes out.*  
Fawkes: No, I don't wanna come here!  
WC: Dear, they aren't gunna touch you. *runs her finger down his torso* I wouldn't want them to.  
Fawkes: Allright, but if there are ANY needles...  
WC: I promise. *kisses him.*  
*They walk in.*  
Fawkes: *shrugs* 'Kay. *yells* Guess who killed Arnaud???  
*Official pops up on the TV and Claire runs out.*  
Official: You killed him?  
Claire: Oh my.  
*Fawkes takes off the sunglasses*  
Fawkes: Yes, I did.  
Claire: He's-- I'll go get the....  
WC: NO!  
Official: Young lady--  
WC: Not now. Later. He already killed who he wanted to kill, what damage could he possibly do now???  
Official: Lots.  
WC: Ok, then how much compared to when he's not Quicksilver Mad?  
Official: I see your point.  
WC: Everyone always seems to do that. *smiles* Later. I promise.  
Official: Ok. O-man out, yo!  
*The TV turns off*  
WC: But while we have you like this... Bobby, can I borrow the van?  
Hobbes: _No._  
WC: Urgh. Oh I have an idea.  
*snappies, she and Fawkes are in a condo above the Department*  
Hobbes: Oh dear.  
*The room clears out, leaving Hobbes and Claire.*  
Hobbes: Um.  
Claire: So.  
*pause*  
Claire & Hobbes: I'm sorry. No-- I. *laugh*  
Claire: I shouldn't have done that.  
Hobbes: No. I shouldn't have ran out.  
Claire: Let's stop kidding ourselves and go *BLLEEEEEEEP*.  
*They run out as fast as they can. Angel and Wes and Cordy and Gunn and Lorne run back in.*  
Angel: They're done.  
*Cordy looks around*  
Cordy: This is no LA.  
Gunn: No, it's San Deigo. But there is no LA. So this is better than LA. Because it doesn't exist. I mean, do you wanna live on a field of grass.  
Cordy: No.  
Wesley: Think of a cool catch phrase yet, Gunn?  
Gunn: No, I'm thinking I need a quirky personality idiosynchracy type thing instead.  
Cordy: Like what?  
Wesley: You're already only the 3rd African-American on this bloody show...  
Gunn: HEY man why does it always have to be about me being BLACK??  
Cordy: Both of you shut up. This world is waaaay too over-sensitive. I mean I get special and sometimes not so special treatment, depending on the situation, beacuse I look/act like a slut. And I don't go around saying "is it because I'm a slut?"  
Angel: "Is it because I'm a vampire?"  
Wesley: "Is it because I'm English?"  
Angel: "Is it because I'm Irish?"  
Wesley: "Is it because I wear glasses?"  
Angel: "Is it the hair, I can change it if you want."  
Wesley: "NO! NO! Please, I'll give you my lunch money just don't--" *ahem* Nevermind.  
Cordy: Poor Wes.  
*The doorbell rings*  
Angel: Were we.. expecting... anyone?  
Wesley: I don't beleive so.  
*Lorne answers the door. He screams. There WC & Fawkes stand. Fawkes has QS'd from the neck up and done the same to WC. They are dressed like Jehovah's Witnesses.*  
Fawkes: Would you like a Bible?  
Lorne: Um. No.  
Fawkes: You have to. It's the word of the Lord.  
Lorne: I'm from Pylea, we have no Lord.  
Fawkes: Is that some sorta heathen word for hell?  
WC: *southern belle accent* Well I do not know...  
Lorne: Um. Bye.  
*Lorne tries to shut the door but Fawkes puts his foot in the way*  
Fawkes: Please! Take a Bible!  
*Lorne struggles and shuts the door*  
Angel: Who was it?  
Lorne: Headless Darien and WC posing as Jehovah's Witnesses.  
Angel: They are so annoying.  
Lorne: Jehovah's Witnesses?  
Angel: Yeah, whatever.  



End file.
